


Hands Clean

by LadyFrandrews



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: AU, M/M, Teacher/Student, slight mention of underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 16:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 37,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFrandrews/pseuds/LadyFrandrews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Spencer Reid owed J.J. a favor. She calls it in whilst she goes out on maternity leave--she wants him to sub for her classes.</p><p>Derek Morgan enjoys one of his customers, but he's always with another scrawny, white guy. He's thrown for a loop when his new substiute is that one customer he has his eye on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 001

"I cannot believe I let you talk me into wearing this outfit today. Do you know how many people have commented my bum since we left your apartment this morning? Twenty-five, and that's not counting the additional thirty-six that have spared a second glance at it!"

"Relax and enjoy the attention, lord knows you don't even realize when you're in your normal garb. Live a little."

I narrowed my eyes at my long time friend. I envied him his carefree notions from time to time. His ability to not remember everything that's happened in his life—I've tried to forget, more times than I wish to remember.

"Spencer, Spencer, Spen—"

"Don't you Spencer me Ethan! Majority of these people probably assume we're a couple just because we're dressed rather similarly and you're standing in my personal space, occasionally touching my—don't do it on purpose! Don't give them more reason to believe we're a couple. Because of my messenger bag they probably assume I'm the bottom."

"Relax man, I'll tell the kid at the counter you're my cousin; he's been making eyes at you since we walked through the door. Or would brother be more believable?"

My eyes immediately went to the counter, we were four people from ordering and I was momentarily frozen with the guy at the register. His gaze was meeting the customer he was currently taking an order from, but it was the smile that distracted me. It was beautiful, if only due to my inability to find another fitting word.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything, besides, he's a kid, as in illegal. I'm pretty sure of it. He's not in here during the week when I come in."

I waved off his words, still staring down the kid, taking in his dark complexion, one that would compliment my rather pale one magnificently—oh bother, kid. Ethan said kid, as in still in high school.

"Don't remind me, JJ talked me into subbing for her classes while she's out on maternity leave. I actually told her I'd come in tomorrow to meet her classes."

I smiled as my gaze met Ethan's surprised one and stepped ahead as another customer's order was filled and they made their way to an unoccupied table.

"She teaches high school English Spencer, as in students who are pract—"

"I know how old they are in relation to my own age, the burden of genius I suppose. Besides, only JJ and Ms. Straus know the truth."

He raised an eyebrow then lowered his voice.

"Are you going to be okay though? I mean, I recall stories; they weren't pleasant."

I nodded as I stepped up to the counter, in full view of the boy who was apparently making eyes at me; honestly though, to complain would be a terrible action. Kid or not, he's beautiful.

"What can I get for you gentlemen today?"

Ethan's hand fell on my shoulder and he spoke up before I could open my mouth.

"Doc here will have the largest cup of coffee you have with your entire stock of sugar, and I'll have a large cup, black."

I felt myself flush and dug in my bag for the five I keep on hand for coffee 'dates' with Ethan. The kid chuckled as he took our money and then asked for our names. Ethan told him 'Doc,' and that I'd be the one waiting while he went to find a table.

"Doc? That a joke or something? Or what you want to be, or are?"

I noticed the slight hesitance in his voice. I cleared my throat—I could do this, small talk with someone obviously out of my league, age be damned.

"Eh, no, I actually have two doctorates and am currently working on my second Masters."

"So you're like a genius or something?"

"Or something."

We smiled as he handed me the cups of coffee and if our fingers touched briefly, neither of us made it obvious.

"Well Doc, here's your order, there's extra sugar on the tables, I'm going to let you put in however much _you_ want. Come back again."

"Thanks."

I offered another small smile before turning around searching out Ethan who, from his expression, knew had been watching the entire interaction with far too much enthusiasm; probably too much presumption as well. His smirk grew as I approached him.

"When's the first date? Did you even get his name?"

"Shut up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on ff.net. This is a current WIP for me so will not be updated as frequently once I'm caught up with my pre-written chapters.
> 
> Also, I got tired of reading fics where Spencer was always the younger of the pair and wanted to change up the dynamics a bit, so Derek's the younger of the two.


	2. 002

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped a little.

"Relax Spence, you'll be fine. I have a homeroom first, then my first class is easy, it's twelfth grade. Second and third are the freshmen, they're a bit unruly at times, but they're a good bunch. We have planning fourth and lunch fifth. Sixth is another bout of seniors and my seventh is the newspaper kids."

I nodded as the bell rung and she sat herself behind her desk. A hand rubbing her swollen belly—it intrigued and repulsed me at the same time. Medically I knew what was happening to her body and it grossed me out, but on another level, I knew it was amazing. She grinned and reached for my hand.

"He's kicking."

She placed my hand on her stomach and I felt it, that small tick of movement. I quickly withdrew my hand and offered her a smile.

"I know, I know, you and the baby phobia. You'll have to work on that when he gets here; you're going to be his godfather."

We smiled.

"I know; there's a huge difference between him being in there and him being out here. I'm just not certain he'll like me much. You know how most babies and dogs for that matter react to me."

She patted my arm.

"Henry will be different. I'm sure of it."

The bell rung and in a matter of minutes noise filled the hall outside her classroom. Bodies started walking by, and then few started to enter the classroom. They would all utter a greeting to JJ and find their seats before they glanced to the front of the room where their eyes would immediately zero in on me. They would stare. I would have to get used to that. A girl entered the room next; the word eccentric wouldn't even begin to describe her.

"Morning soon-to-be-Momma, I brought you your—who is this adorable guy?"

"Good morning Penny, this is Dr. Reid, he'll be filling in for me while I'm out, and thank you for the smoothie. Could you grab an extra cup from the cabinet so I can share with Spe—Dr. Reid, please?"

"Sure thing!"

She bustled to the back of the room and dug through one of the filing cabinets along the far wall before returning to the front of the room and handed JJ both cups in her hands. She grinned at me.

"Morning Dr. Reid."

I offered a small wave.

"You're just the cutest thing ever!"

"Enough Penny, leave Reid alone and find your seat. You've the next eight weeks to bother him."

She grinned and went to her seat, assigned, once I realized the other students who were filing in didn't sit with the friends they walked in with. The bell signaled and JJ stood up from her seat as the kids quieted down.

"Good morning guys, I'll take attendance in a few minutes, but I want to introduce you to Dr. Reid. He'll be subbing for me while I'm out to have Henry."

She motioned for me to stand and approach her side. I did and felt all seventeen sets of eyes fall on me.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Reid; I'm looking forward to the next few weeks."

Every class proceeded in the same manner. I immediately pegged which of her students were the trouble makers and the ones who actually understood the literature they were studying and the ones who genuinely could care less. Her planning period was spent in the Teacher's Lounge, meeting other teachers, most of which had to ask if I was her younger brother or doing a job-shadow from another school.

Lunch we ventured to the cafeteria where we ran into some of her previous students, most of which greeted her enthusiastically. One of which was that Penny girl. The Penny girl was in her sixth period class as well; wishful thinking had me believing that would be the last of her till tomorrow. When the signal for sixth period's end sounded I hoped she would get up and leave. She merely gathered her belongings and moved to another desk.

"Spence, I'll be right back, don't let this crew get to you, they'll try."

JJ filed out into the hall with the other students leaving her class and she disappeared to the left. I felt a gaze land on me and I knew, I knew it was Penny—she was the only one in the classroom. I risked taking a glance at her and she grinned.

"What's your deal? You're what, twenty-five, you dress like someone's grandfather, and Jayge practically worships the ground you walk on—you're not Henry's dad are you? I'm only asking 'cause she had this one guy come in, and he looked like the type she'd take home to Mom, but you look like the type that she would Mother Hen. Wait a minute, you're  _the_  Dr. Reid, Spencer Reid, right? The one who wrote—"

"Garcia, leave him alone."

The deep voice brought my attention to the doorway where a man stood.

"Sorry Mr. Hotchner, sorry Dr. Reid."

"See that you don't make it habit Penelope."

"Yes, sir."

I met the hard gaze of the man before he turned and left back into the hall. A girl donned in all black entered next.

"Em! You have to meet Dr. Reid."

She stopped short and glanced in my direction before she waved and then headed directly to the seat beside Garcia. If I get in the habit of her last name, she might not seem so overwhelming. They were talking to each other in hushed tones and more students filed in as the bell sounded. JJ still wasn't back yet and I felt my anxiety settle in.

Doors were closing and the sound of rushed footsteps came towards the classroom and an out of breath, dark-skinned boy leaned in the doorway.

"Good, she's not here, I'm not late."

"Yes you are."

His eyes darted over to me and he froze—I froze.

" _Doc_?"

 


	3. 003

Ethan was correct— _still in high school_. I swallowed nervously and offered a smile that felt more like a grimace.

"Hello. I'm Dr. Reid, your substitute for Ms. Jareau while she's away on maternity leave."

He grinned before turning his attention to Garcia who I'm certain was demanding how he knew me. Her constant gestures and glances toward me told me I was correct.

"Afternoon guys, glad to see you all got started on your own today. I told Dr. Reid here that you're my favorite, glad you could prove me right."

They all muttered a round of greetings towards JJ as she took her seat at her desk. Her gaze locked onto Garcia and the dark-skinned boy.

"Was Derek late?"

Derek. His name is Derek.

"Yes, he thought that since you weren't here he wasn't, but I told him he was."

She smiled and handed me a stack of papers with a grin.

"You can help me grade tests, but for the sake of anything, just mark them correct or incorrect. Don't damage my freshmen's already fragile psyche."

"I'm not that bad!"

She chuckled.

"Spence, Ethan had to rein you in at Will's birthday dinner when I asked you to grade essays. Just put a check if it's correct, _nothing_ else."

I sulked and slid down in the chair but started doing as she asked. It's not that I _wanted_ to belittle attempts at intelligence, it's just I knew when something was wrong I wanted to help them realize how and why.

"Ethan sees Derek on a weekly basis."

Her pen dropped and I had to mentally slap myself for how wrong that came out. She looked at me, then at the boy at the back of the room—who now had on a pair of glasses and was marking sheets of paper with a red pen.

"That's not what I meant! I, he, he took to me to the coffee shop he's always going on about, which he was right about it being delicious, but he sai—"

I shut my mouth and felt my cheeks flush. Why was I telling JJ of all people that one of her students had made eyes at me two days ago across the counter of his job? At this rate I'd probably blurt out that I thought he was beautiful. She was smiling in the way that let me know she knew something.

"This is priceless Spence, it really is. You're the guy that Garcia told me about. This is too cute."

My jaw slacked open. What?

"What? What are you talking about? She wasn't even there! How would she— _he told her about me?_ JJ, I'm going to be his teacher, that's so awkward."

"Spence, awkward should be your middle name. It's right up your alley, you're used to it."

"Am I interrupting some delicious gossip?"

I flushed as JJ and I glanced up at Garcia who had the fakest innocent smile on her face. I knew that JJ and I were being quiet in our conversation but I had no idea how decent Garcia's hearing is, let alone how long she stood there.

"Not gossip, just some facts Spen—Reid can add to this never ending file. What can I do for you Penny?"

Her gaze was locked on me and I reverted my own to the tests I was still marking.

"You are  _the_  Spencer Reid, oh wow! This is exciting; can I do an interview with you for the Science section of the paper? Oh right, Emily's short three photos, so I was thinking that if I can tweak the layout a little—I know, I know, just hear me out—we could throw in a small corner for that anonymous letter thing you wanted to start. I think it's a good idea and we can go through them as a group, yes it'll add more time, but I think it'll also go faster if we all read through 'em and decide on who to answer, we've got a few letters already."

"Fine Penny, but if Ms. Strauss comes at me one more time about the computers it's your skin, not mine. I can't keep pretending I know what she's talking about with all that."

She turned and quickly returned and motioned for Derek, Emily and two other students to gather around her.

"Someone knows who you are in the world of science. That's got to feel pretty awesome."

I couldn't help but smile at her slight jab.

"I don't think I'll ever have a normal fan."


	4. 004

I turned the engine off and tapped my fingers nervously along the steering wheel. I shouldn't be doing this, willingly searching out a minor. Granted he was seventeen, and according to JJ, newly seventeen, as in only for a few weeks now.

I could do this, pretend to be out, I've got a few tests JJ asked me to grade, I could use that as an excuse, and there's a bookshop a street over, I could say I remembered—eidetic memory—this from the other week when I came in with Ethan. Oh god, what if Ethan was in, he'd call me on my blatant lie and  _know_  I was here for Derek.

The past two weeks with JJ flew by and I had successfully completed my first week alone. I learned that Penelope Garcia is a force to be reckoned with, but if you're on her good side, she will do just about anything you ask of her. Mr. Hotchner is only sociable with Mr. Rossi, who for some reason reminds me of a mobster. Then again, with the amount of "secrecy" involved in that sort of lifestyle, it wouldn't surprise me—get a grip Spencer! You're going to get out, walk in and buy a cup of coffee. Nothing different from any other coffee shop run; even though you're inappropriately attracted to a teenage boy who works inside said shop and also happens to be one of your current students.

A rather bright young man too. Though something troubles him; he keeps everyone at arm's length, except for Garcia. He surprised me when he came in Tuesday, early, for last period.

" _Hey Doc."_

_My gaze moved from the book in my lap to the boy walking towards me; his smile was contagious._

" _Hello Derek. You're actually early for once."_

_He shrugged and slumped into the desk in front of mine, tossing his bag on the desk top._

" _I wasn't up for today's lesson in gym. It's the health part and I just wasn't comfortable with today's lesson."_

_He opened his bag and pulled out his glasses and put them on; they made him look intellectual. Good grief, how lame do I have to get? He was bored, digging through his bag, pretending to look for something._

" _Your um, friend, came in the shop over the weekend."_

" _Ah, yeah, I um, I had this thing I had to take care of, plus Ethan's a lot to take in sometimes."_

_I inwardly cringed, how horrible could I actually be at small-talk?_

" _Not that it's my business, but is he your boyfriend? I shouldn't assume, but you just, um, you kind of just give off that vibe."_

_I couldn't help the stare I gave him; a mix of shock and amusement._

" _No, no boyfriend, just a friend. I'm not exactly one people line up for to be in a relationship with."_

_The look he gave me I couldn't properly decipher. He looked like he wanted to comment; perhaps he was elated I was unattached. However, it was then that Garcia entered the room, returning to her things._

" _There you are! I went looking for you, I had a question and you were no where to be found. It'll have to wait till later though, present company, you know."_

_He grinned, a forced but genuine one._

GET OUT OF THE CAR SPENCER REID! I pulled the keys from the ignition and opened my door and climbed out. Grabbing and shouldering my bag I made my way around the corner of the building and into the shop. I groaned once I realize I picked the dead hour to arrive.

He was leaning on the counter, flipping through a magazine, but his gaze jerked up at the bell on the door. He grinned as he recognized me.

"Hey Dr. Reid, how are you?"

I smoothed my hair behind my ear and walked towards the counter. I returned his smile.

"I'm fine, yourself?"

He gave me a quick once over and moved behind the ancient looking register, leaning forward just enough to be enticing.

"My day just got better. Large cup with all the sugar you want?"

I nodded and dug in my bag for some cash. Our fingers brushed and this time it was more than obvious. I felt myself flush. He kept his smile as he cashed out my order then turned and grabbed the largest cup and filling my order.

"Are you staying here or were you going to leave?"

His eyes told me what answer I should give.

"Do you get a break or something?"

He grinned. I did not just ask him that.

"I'll be right back."

He disappeared through a door and in a matter of moments he was back out, untying the apron around his waist and tossed it on the counter. He grabbed a bottle of water and walked from behind the counter.

"I've got a half-hour."


	5. 005

We moved to the back corner table; I sat with my back to the wall so I could look out at the room behind Derek. I knew the danger in sitting with him in a situation like this. He turned the seat around, straddling it and leaning his arms on the back and smiled at me.

"Are we talking as Derek Morgan and Dr. Reid, or as Derek and whatever happens to be your first name?"

I didn't know how to answer him without revealing too much. I could be over thinking, I do tend to do that, but I wasn't about to resort to statistics. I started pouring in sugar, mixing; I was never this at a loss for words.

"Will I ever get the first name or do I have to have Garcia work her magic?"

"What does she have to do with anything?"

He smirked and raised a brow.

"Tell me your first name and I won't tell her anything that happens today. She'll try to get it out of me, but I promise I won't tell."

I bit my lip. Telling him my name and giving in to his advances would be a terrible move, not only because he's not eighteen yet, but I'm his teacher. Relationships are strictly prohibited between faculty and student, let alone, if it were to turn sexual. Who am I kidding? With a body like that—wait a minute, that's why he looks the way he does. His charm, his body, the way he carries himself, it's his defense mechanism. The same reason I do it, just not in that manner.

"If I tell you my name can I ask you a somewhat personal question?"

I watched the slight tension build in his shoulders but he nodded nonetheless. I took another sip before putting my cup down and circling it with my hands, my fingers toying with the handle. I glanced down at the table before looking back up at him, meeting his gaze.

"Spencer, Spencer Reid."

He grinned at me and held out his hand, I shook it and smiled.

"Hello Spencer. You have a question for me?"

I nodded.

"I'm not sure how to word this without it sounding the way it will, I apologize about that in advance. You hide behind a wall you've built to keep people at arm's length from you. You shy away from certain adults, older men to be specific, but you car—"

"Look, Reid, I haven't done this"—he gestured between the two of us—"in a long time. I haven't put myself out on some line I don't know if you'll take, you can't be that much older than me, but there are just somethings I  _don't_  talk about. What you're hinting at or you think I'm hiding from or whatever, just don't."

His shoulders were still tense.

"I'm sorry; I'm not very good at this whole small-talk. I've been the youngest person in the room for as long as I can remember and never once had someone my own age to interact with. My Mom used to read to me a lot when I was younger and I often lost myself in whatever story she chose or asked me to choose. I just, I feel like we, like we're kindred in some way. If that were to ever exist. By that I mean I have the feeling your childhood wasn't pleasant, neither was mine. My Father left when I was ten. I'm talking too much and too fast, I'm sorry, I do it a lot when I'm nervous or just don't know what to say."

"It's okay, but don't deep discussions of childhood trauma usually occur on dates four or five?"

"This is a date?"

He laughed; at least his tension released a little. I felt myself flush.

"If you want it to be one, it could be. I can't imagine for a seventeen year old I've got a lot of money to take you out proper, or that you, you know doing what you do, have a ton of money to go out with."

I sat up a little straighter and cleared my throat, turning my attention down to my coffee. I took another sip, draining most of what I could in one go. I removed a hand and smoothed it down my thigh as I fought hard to refrain from looking at him again.

I lost.

"We could go 'dutch' with us paying separate. It's a common notion between people who are contemplating dating, or I mean, it's an option if you don't want this to be our first date, not that we could actually date in the first place, but I think I would like to get to know you more, if that's okay."

He looked at me with a stare I couldn't decipher. Did I say something wrong? Did I say something I shouldn't have?

"Spencer."

Do I apologize for belittling his—oh no, what if he was just joking about this being a date?

"Spencer!"

What if I read him wrong and he really is like the guys who teased me in high school—even some in college—and I assumed because he hides something from everyone else that he was like me in some sense?

"Dr. Reid!"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over at him.

"Where'd you go, you seemed pretty out there?"

"Sorry, I just, I thought that maybe I had misinterpreted this whole sit down and realized that I probably have. I've never been socially in tune with what is considered normal behavior, especially when it involves another person."

He stretched an arm out, his hand reaching for my forearm and I froze. Just before his fingertips brushed the sleeve of my sweater I pulled back. He pulled his hand back as if burned; I noted the hurt in his eyes.

"It's not you! I just don't like people touching me. I mean, if I were to ever—wow, this is horrible. Maybe I should just leave."

I stood; ignoring the third of coffee still left in my cup and shouldered my bag. I took two steps before I heard him speak. I turned and faced him; he was looking at me over his shoulder.

"You didn't misinterpret anything. When you walked through the door a few weeks ago with the guy I always see, you were laughing and smiling and I thought—it doesn't matter what I thought. Look, Doc, Reid, no, Spencer, I didn't have the option to keep Garcia at arm's length. She kind of just steamrolled her way in to my life, but I'm willing to reach my arm out to you."

I nodded. It was the only thing I could think of doing.

"See you Monday."

He slowly stood to his feet and pushed in the chair.

"See you Monday, Dr. Reid."

As I walked out of the store I had the distinct feeling that I was walking away from something and I had missed it completely.


	6. 006

"You're moping."

"I am not!"

I sunk further down into my couch, pulling the throw pillow tighter to my chest.

"Spencer, you can't hide behind the pillow, or sink into the couch. I'm your best friend. Something happened, now spill."

I threw my head back and groaned. A shadow fell over me and I looked up at Ethan's smirking face.

"I bet it has something to do with that kid."

I scowled. He grinned and hopped over the back of the couch, patted my knee and demanded I tell him.

"There's nothing to tell. I had a cup of coffee and a rather terrible bout of small talk with another person."

"Your first date! How touching. Wait, you blew it didn't you? Did you start spouting off random statistics about interracial couples? Or even ones about age-differences?"

I flushed and hid my face in the pillow.

"You do realize that while I'm certain the pillow finds whatever it is you're mumbling to yourself fascinating, I have legitimate functioning ears that would love to hear what you're saying."

I glanced up and tossed the pillow at his head.

"Real mature Dr. Reid."

I crossed my arms across my chest and turned up my nose.

"I don't have to tell you."

His laugh made it hard for me to fight the smile I didn't want to show. Losing that battle I smiled at him and let out the deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I tossed my head back, laying it on the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling—tile eighty-six of one-hundred-twenty-three-and-a-quarter.

"You weren't wrong in assuming he thought me attractive, or at the very least intriguing. It was a mess from the start. It took me forever to even get out of the car, well okay, like five minutes."

I uncrossed my arms and turned my head towards him; he was just staring—listening.

"I finally told him my first name, obviously a taboo since I'm his teacher and will be for another few weeks. I got nervous and started rambling like I usually do, only this time I mentioned my Father walking out on us when I was little and he blurts out with, 'don't deep discussions of childhood trauma usually occur on dates four or five?' And I freaked out. Then we discussed the nature of 'going Dutch' on a first date, one that we could actually count, realizing that while we were both very serious about going on an actual date, forgetting the reality of our situation."

He raised a brow.

"Spencer, what did you say tha—"

"I didn't say anything! He reached out to touch me! I flinched away and then told him it was me, not him and that's apparently a bad thing to say too, but then he told me that I hadn't misinterpreted our sit down."

I trailed off, recalling his parting words.  _Dr. Reid_ —he called me Dr. Reid when just seconds prior he had called me Spencer. I curled in on myself, burying my face in my hands.

"You didn't just walk out did you? I mean I know you've got to have some social tact despite your overwhelming awkwardness with people; that totally came out wrong, but you obviously know what I mean."

I shook my head and flushed; I would see him tomorrow. I had to be the grown up, the professional. Distance myself as his teacher and nothing more.

"Ethan, the last thing he said to me was, 'See you Monday, Dr. Reid.' As I walked away from him, the shop, I felt like I was missing something, but I couldn't figure out what. I still don't know what this feeling inside of me is and why it's not going away."

I was looking at him for an answer, one he may or may not be able to give me, but I could tell by the look on his face he was thinking. Then he just grinned at me, not a mocking grin, but a genuine one, like the kind you give someone because you're happy for them.

"Tell you what, why don't you give JJ a call, see if she's up for a visitor, you can hog some Henry time, and talk this over with her."

"I can't tell her I'm contemplating a secret relationship with one of her students! She said it was 'too cute!'"

He just laughed and tossed me my cordless telephone off the side table. I was in for a long afternoon for a Sunday.


	7. 007

Sixth period had just ended and I found myself in a stare-off with one Penelope Garcia. I was squirming, or rather jiggling my knees under the desk. I felt my cheeks heat. She had a pen between her lips, a smirk just barely noticeable, but it was there, I knew it was there. It unnerved me more than her stare.

"You're only nineteen. Technically you're still a teenager, so what's the problem Dr. Reid?"

I choked on my spit.

"He said he wouldn't tell you anything!"

She grinned—a rather evil looking one.

"He didn't, but you certainly just did."

She stood from her seat and walked over to the chair next to the desk and looked me in the eye. I was doing my best not to look away; now I understood Derek when he said he had no choice but to let her in. She did seem like the powerhouse she displayed herself as.

"I knew he met someone, an informal date if you will, but he kept tight lipped about it, so I figured it was a guy. He's not too keen on letting that tidbit about him be known; I only know 'cause I found something of his I shouldn't have, let alone he shouldn't even possess. Not in a house with sisters like the ones he's got. But, oh, this is delicious, possibly will be even better than anything I could come up with in photoshop."

"What! That's, that's not even appropriate and even so, I doubt it's any of your concern."

I heard the sound of a throat clearing and glanced over Garcia's shoulder and found Mr. Hotchner standing in the doorway.

"Penelope, I've told you before to not harass Dr. Reid."

"I, it, it's, um, it's fine, sir. She's not bothering me at, at all."

The look he gave me let me know he saw right through that terribly blatant lie, but he gave a nod before backing out in the hall. Had he heard anything?

"Is it crowd around teacher's desk today? I didn't get the memo."

We both turned towards the door and noticed Emily offering a wry grin.

"Em, you wouldn't believe this even if I told you."

I froze, was she about to tell someone else, outside of the triangle of her, Derek and I, about the whatever it is, between Derek and I? What am I doing, there is no Derek and I.

"Do you know how old Dr. Reid actually is?"

Emily merely raised her eyebrow and glanced between Garcia and I before shrugging. I could tell she was expecting something other than that question; still slightly intrigued enough to want to know.

"Twenty-three."

Garcia scoffed at the lame attempt of a guess.

"Seriously Em? Have you taken a gander at the boy-genius?"

She put emphasis on the boy part. I squirmed in my chair, knowing that my age would impinge on the amount of authority the kids would deem me having over them. More so in the earlier classes, not the newspaper crew, but still, it could.

"Since when did you become popular Spence?"

I had never felt so relieved at hearing JJ's voice—minus yesterday's awkward yet necessary discussion. The girls turned around and greeted her, noticing the infant carrier on her arm.

"I needed to get out of the house and realized what time it was and thought Henry could use another dose of his godfather, as well as these unruly bunch of teenagers."

Garcia squealed and Emily merely stared, almost as if she was deciphering wanting to see Henry full on. She seemed almost apprehensive of his proximity.

"He'll be a welcomed distraction I'm sure."

She smiled at me and walked across the room and placed his carrier on the desk in front of me. She motioned for me to take him out and I felt myself flush. Lifting him out of his bassinette was one thing, this, he was strapped in and looked even smaller, more fragile. I knew he was rather pliable, but still, it was appearing to be a daunting task.

Garcia came up behind me and peered over my shoulder, her excitement rolling off her in waves.

"Penelope, step back from Spence, he's not too keen on people crowding his space. You'll get a chance to hold Henry."

I let out a breath as I heard her step away. I unhooked the belts and un-tucked his blanket and gently lifted him out—making sure to support his head. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips as I cradled him to my chest. I put my pinky over his hand and his reflexes had him grabbing on.

"Well aint that cute; kid's a good look on you Doc."

My eyes immediately lifted from Henry to Derek, who stood leaning on the doorframe. I blushed; I felt it in my cheeks.

"Mr. Morgan you're in big trouble!"

I averted my gaze back down to a now waking Henry. He was squirming and his eyes were fluttering open and shut; a welcomed distraction from whatever it was that was about to spill from Garcia's mouth. Hopefully she wouldn't speak too loudly; there was a baby in the room after all. What would JJ say, 'the Nile isn't only a river in Egypt, or something equally appalling.'


	8. 008

I had just wrapped my fingers around my cup of coffee—stale and mediocre, then again that's what you get in a public school facility—when I felt a presence beside me.

"Hello Dr. Reid, mind if I join you?"

I glanced up and was startled at the sight of Mr. Rossi gesturing at the seat beside me in the teacher's lounge. I shook my head and he sat down.

"How are you adjusting?"

I could tell this was more than just small talk between acquaintances, this was something more—had Mr. Hotchner heard more than anyone should've?

"Alright, it's a lot more structured than the college level, I think it has to do with such smaller lectured formats, rather than the longer intervals the college semesters allow. JJ left me detailed instructions, but that's how she is and she knows I like details and following a set line of instructions, it helps keep me on task. My mind likes to go on different tangents from time to time and the kids would learn things, just not what was on schedule."

A chair across from me scratched along the floor diverting my attention that way and I noticed that Mr. Hotchner was now sitting with us too. I tensed; I took a deep breath in and gripped my cup tighter. Hotchner raised a brow.

"Relax Spencer; I'm sorry, I should've asked, I didn't mean to intrude. Is it alright if I sit here, I can move if you'd like. Dave and I usually have lunch together."

"It's fine, I just, I usually have lunch in the classroom, I just wanted some coffee."

Mr. Rossi chuckled.

"You picked this stuff? It's crap isn't it?"

I nodded.

"I've put enough sugar in it to manage though."

"I take it you've already gotten through the adjustment question?"

Rossi chuckled again, and I nodded, taking a sip of coffee. Watching the two of them dig in to their lunches, both glancing at me with only the cup of coffee before me.

"Has Garcia been harassing you any more since yesterday?"

"Aaron, you know she'll stick her nose anywhere she smells something she can shake a stick at, what kind of question is that?"

"She's concerned for her friend and she felt comfortable coming to me about it."

"You told her it wasn't her concern nor was it appropriate."

I inwardly cringed, that is what I had said.

"Look at you Aaron, eavesdropping again on poor unsuspecting students and their teachers? Do I need to start leaving my door a jar now when I hold a student back or they need to question me about homework?"

Rossi's laugh let me know he was half-jesting and half-serious.

"We just don't need another case of Morgan and Buford. Granted it's been two years and a handful of states and school districts, but still, the kid's got a lot on his plate, not to mention his football scholarships to keep an eye on and that Garcia girl is nothing but a distraction to him."

Aaron Hotchner just told me more about Derek Morgan that I think Derek Morgan will have ever wanted me to know about him in those few sentences in our short acquaintanceship; I doubt even Garcia knew the full truth of the underlying horror beneath his words.


	9. 009

I tossed my head back against my armrest and curled my toes into one of my throw pillows—what a thrilling Friday night. I could go to the game; there isn't a rule that says I can't go; if I so happen to run into my students there there's nothing wrong in that. Right? Why am I worrying about this like a school girl with a crush?

JJ's right though, despite my intellect, I'm still nineteen years old, I'm capable of wanting to date someone around my age—society would want them to be legal—though if what Mr. Hotchner was implying, he wouldn't be looking for a sexual relationship, so perhaps I would luck out. Unless Derek's coping is being promiscuous, but I would imagine from what Garcia said, him wanting to keep the attracted to males part silent, promiscuity isn't his choice. At least not openly with males and I would not be for an open relationship.

I need to get a grip on this. I'm being very irrational about this. He's a rather attractive young man, a teenager. I am his current teacher and in matter of weeks I won't be seeing him again, unless I happen to go into that coffee shop with Ethan from time to time. Derek and I never did agree to go on another date; who am I kidding, I'll never forget what I have learned from him. I should just be the capable, able bodied adult I am, the genius I'm labeled and just distance myself from him.

Disregarding the unknown emptiness that was beginning to build in the pit of my stomach I got up and went to my bookshelf and picked up a few books. Reading always distracted me. There would be no going out this weekend, no seeing JJ—and sadly no Henry—no Ethan and his coffee shop dates, and most importantly, no Derek Morgan.

-x-

"Don't think he doesn't know what you're doing."

"You can't be in here!"

I quickly turned around at the voice of the one girl to make me cringe. Once I realized she wasn't going anywhere I crossed my arms in effort to look intimidating but I knew it came across as more insecure. The girl before me crossed her arms and mastered the look I attempted.

"Do you really need to use the bathroom or did you just duck in here to hide from me when you realized I had singled you out?"

I felt myself flush and she knew she had caught me. I let my arms fall to my side and I let my gaze fall to the floor. I knew the position she was in, Ethan would always be in her position. Always the friend to stand up for the 'little guy' unable to—or rather in Derek's case, unknowingly—on their own, when something was going on. Friends like them were invaluable to possess, except when you were on the receiving end of their anger.

"You do realize your silence is confirmation correct? Look Dr. Reid, Spencer, you're far from stupid and I, despite my better judgment and slight fangirliness of your scientific genius, and whatever else I could word vomit, my best friend fancies the pants off you, figuratively and would very much literally I presume."

She took a few steps forward and leaned against the counter, her smile, while still vile, the edges turned soft.

"He's not going to flaunt you to all of his friends, mostly 'cause he can't 'cause you'd end up in prison and probably in the dumpster from all his football cronies. Not to mention I'm sure you catch some heat from that friend of yours, but I'm pretty sure that if given the chan—"

"If given the chance, he's pretty sure he could speak for himself Baby Girl."

My eyes widened as they took in the intruder; slowly working their way up his body, finally settling on his eyes which were locked with my own.

"I know you told me not to meddle, but I couldn't help it, I just saw ho—"

"Penelope, I know Baby Girl, I know, you're just doing your job."

He had turned to face her, pulling her in for a hug, effectively quieting her by pressing her face into his chest. Her arms wrapped around his waist and they stood there for a moment, his gaze returning to me and I stood there, awkwardly. I had managed to avoid him outside of classes the last week and a half—a rather asinine move on my part, I am well aware, but a smart move.

I kept it professional in the classroom and JJ had started coming back in the afternoons, allowing me to take Henry into the teachers' lounge, much to delight of Rossi who took an immediate liking to the boy. Tomorrow was Friday, my last day. If I really wanted to I could walk away from it all and pretend it never happened—we all knew I'd never be able to forget.

I watched as he lent down and whispered something in her ear and she nodded, sparing a glance over her shoulder at me, a promise to be just outside should anything go wrong. I started to finger the hem of my sweater-vest, watch in slight fear as he stalked towards me as Garcia left us alone in the bathroom. I furrowed my brow as the bell sounded.

"You'll miss class."

He shrugged.

"I think I can manage, besides, it's only last period, and word is Ms. JJ's in today, and I'm with my teacher."

I brought my arms up and folded them across my chest once more. He hopped up on the counter, swinging his legs as he stared at me—hard. I bit my lip.

"Two weeks Spencer, two weeks and you've ignored me. Is it because I'm a kid? You realized that I'm a student and hey, you think I'm stupid or something? Not good enough?"

My arms fell and I shook my head.

"No, Derek, that's not it at all. You're amazing, you're so much more than anyone…if I were still in high school you'd be out of my league, guys like you never go for guys like me. I'm your teacher and I go back to college after this week, it, these things never work and could you really settle being a secret?"

I watched his shoulders tense and his knuckles clench the edge of the counter as he nodded curtly. He hardened his stare just barely, but enough for me to notice.

"Wouldn't be the first time; Spencer, I'm not as stupid as my teachers think I am. Sure I'm a footballer, that doesn't mean I'm a dumb jock like the rest of them. I told you, I have some childhood trauma of my own, that's part of the reason I'm here, my family uprooted themselves for me. Not some new fancy job for my Ma, not some over sold school for one of my sisters, but for me."

He hopped down and stepped towards me, got into my personal space; I froze. Partially in fear, partially in arousal—honestly, the boy is gorgeous and right there.

"I know what it's like to have to grow up way too fast. To be the youngest grown up in the room. That kindred thing you were talking about the other week, I felt it too, I still do. Tell me, tell me to go to class, to leave you alone, and I will, but first, I'm going to do something I should've done two weeks ago."

He grabbed my biceps and pulled me flush against his chest, and pressed his lips against my own. I squeaked.


	10. 010

I squeaked. _I_ squeaked. I _squeaked._ And I just _stood_ there. I stood there while he pressed his lips to mine, his fingers dug into my biceps, his breaths through his nostrils fluttered down my face— _and I just stood there._ He moved his lips against mine, corner to corner and I froze, my brain short-circuited and for the life of me I couldn't do a thing.

He pulled back and I noticed the fear creep into the corners of his eyes as they looked into my own, I tried as hard as I could to convey reassurance, that he didn't have to be afraid, that he didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mind! Honest! His cheeks darkened and I felt my own flush in heat. I'm certain they were tinged pink at the lightest. I could feel a slight tingle in my lips, which I knew to be odd, he didn't do much of anything to them; he simply touched them. Was that normal?

"Spencer, I, I'm sorry, I di—"

"Don't! If you're going to say you didn't mean to do it then just go, walk back to class and we'll forget about it…but…"

His breathing was picking up, becoming heavy; matching my own it seemed. I bit my lip and closed my eyes momentarily. I felt fingertips on my jaw, ghosting its length and my eyes jolted open, meeting the dark brown ones that had moved closer—when had he done that?

"But what?"

His words were warm puffs of air over my face; I wanted to feel his lips on mine again, his arms on my body, his chest pressed against me—I don't understand what's going on.

"But if, if you want to…if, if you want to repeat your prior actions, I will not object and most likely be able to reciprocate."

The fingertips on my jaw flattened out to a hand cupping my cheek and I instinctually leant into his touch. I closed my eyes as I felt his other hand cup the opposing cheek, gently bringing my head upright once more, his breaths ghosting over my face as he moved closer. His body heat radiating, mingling with my small frame, filling me with unexplainable warmth; his lips touched my forehead first, then each of my closed eyelids, then the tip of my nose—I smiled, he did too—I _felt_ it. His lips then pressed against each cheek, just above his slow moving thumbs, and then finally, finally he pressed his lips against my lips and this time, this time I pressed back. My hands found his arms and I held on.

Pulling him closer, pressing us torso to knee, clinging to him with sheer desperation—what else would I call it? I lagged only seconds behind his lip-movements, mirroring his actions, as I would be the bumbling idiot in this case. His hands moved, curling his fingers in my hair, twisting, fisting and tugging and I mewled. I _mewled_ into his mouth which had now opened over my own, covering my closed lips completely. His tongue was tracing the thin line between my lips—I was supposed to let it in right?

I mean that's what happened next in books and films; the hero always kissed his heroin with such ferocity that left her knees weak. He crushed her to him, pulling her close, sucking her very essence from her being it seemed, even if for only a matter of seconds—why was I comparing myself to a girl? Right, Derek Morgan had my head between his hands and my lips between his and his tongue asking delicately for permission to enter my mouth. So I let him in.

The moment my lips parted he groaned and I tensed. My fingers stopped their clenching and unclenching of his shirt-sleeves, my lips stopped moving and the only movement I could feel—besides the apparent embarrassment in the dawning realization of what was happening to me—was the stirrings of an erection in my trousers. Quickly removing myself from his grasp I tugged my sweater-vest down, smoothing out any obvious wrinkles, tugging at my mussed up hair and touching my lips while I caught my breath.

"You wanted to do _that_ two weeks ago?"

He nodded.

"The moment you walked through the café doors. Look, I know, well I'm certain someone's said something to you about why I'm here, about, about things in my past…Spencer, guys may not be my first choice in a partner, but you, you make me want to change that about myself. I can't tell you why, or how, but you do. I mean it though, if, if this really is just purely physical, just lust for each other, and after tomorrow afternoon, we don't have to see each other again, I'll make myself okay with that fact, but I'd like to see you again. I meant it, I'd like to take you out, on a real date…but you have to tell me if I'm the one reading things wrong now. If I'm the one getting things mixed up. _Tell me._ "

I folded my arms across my chest again, curling inwards.

"You're not wrong."

The words barely made it out, but they were there between us. I had done it, finally verbalized that I wanted the _teenage_ boy before me. I offered him a smile and then cleared my throat.

"We should probably get to class though, we're already late and JJ might put two-and-two together, especially with Penelope's tardiness. To let you know, for future reference, I'm free most Friday evenings, and Sunday afternoons."

He grinned and shoved his hands on his pockets.


	11. 011

"Last day in prison, what do you get to do with your freedom?"

I smiled over Henry's head at Rossi as he took a sip of his coffee.

"I'll be taking up my lectures I've been missing; my TA's been covering for me, filling me in during the evenings. Get back to the set of students I'm used to."

I felt Henry squirm just a tiny bit and pulled him closer, adjusting his blanket around his sleeping body. Rossi's gaze moved down to him and softened, the man had the softest spot for babies—it will amuse me for the rest of my days.

"You're an actual teacher then? I just thought you were doing this as a favor for JJ, I mean you are, but I thought you were an actual TA, not that you'd _have_ one. Aaron will get a kick out of that, he'll also owe me fifty bucks."

I felt myself blush; I hated being the bet. It happens all too often in my life, especially with having friends like JJ and Ethan—when they pair up, it's even worse.

"Well, I suppose you know what's going to happen last period then? Why they've all been morose and secretive all day long? Also why JJ's pretty much kept you out of the room till I'm to walk you back."

I nodded and felt myself smile.

"Emily let it slip when I happened upon her and Garcia in the supermarket last night. They had a list that had JJ's handwriting on it. I told JJ this morning that they didn't have to do it."

He chuckled.

"You've learned, I'm certain, that telling a rather stubborn group of teenagers _not_ to do something gives them cause to do it even more."

I nodded and distracted myself with reaching out for Henry's bottle. Despite the fact he was asleep, he'd be waking up in a few minutes to be fed and changed, then he'd fall right back asleep, at which point Rossi and I were to make our way back to JJ's room for my "surprise" thank you/goodbye party. I hated being the center of attention; I suppose I should be glad that I could socialize with Derek in a setting that permits intimate social circles.

"Here, let me see him, I'll feed him; if you want to gather yourself in private before you have to face the horde of your now adoring fans, now would be the time to do it. She told me that she's sending Garcia to fetch us."

I pressed my lips into a thin line and glanced down at Henry—I don't think I ever had life this easy. Napping and feeding all at the expense of someone else. I gently maneuvered my arms so I could support his head as I transferred him into Rossi's waiting arms.

To keep myself preoccupied and not focusing entirely on the festivities the kids and JJ have gone out of their way to ensure for me, I took Henry's bottle over to the microwave. I popped it in for three thirty-second bursts of heat and tested it on my wrist as JJ's instructed numerous times. It was perfect.

"There you are!"

I inwardly cringed at her overly cheerful voice.

"Penelope, there's a sleeping child, mind your voice."

She raised her brow at Rossi and sauntered in to the room.

"This is the teacher's lounge Garcia."

She shrugged and came to a stop behind Rossi and peered over his shoulder, her smile widening as she looked down at Henry.

"You're the genius; you already know why I'm here, shall we?"

I offered Rossi the bottle and slumped back down into my seat.

"Can we at least wait till after Henry's had his bottle?"

She laughed—I was in no way, shape, or form, going to get my way.

"We'll just tell JJ that Rossi's feeding Henry and if he ends up missing we'll just sick Mr. Hotchner on him. Up, you're coming with me even if I have to drag you kicking and spouting random statistics about kidnappings or other such nonsense."

Her smile was predatory and her eyes held a small amount of lethalness that unnerved me; with a heavy sigh I climbed to my feet and picked up my messenger bag.


	12. 012

"Dr. Reid, there's someone here to see you? Since you still have another thirty minutes of office hours and no appointments shall I send him in?"

I pushed my glasses up my nose and waved a hand in accord and heard her move back into the anterior office. Her voice was muffled through the slight ajar door, but I was not prepared for who walked in.

"Wow Doc, sure have yourself a fancy office."

I immediately flushed and grinned at my intruder; glad it wasn't another proper student.

"Hello…hi, Derek. Forgive my bluntness, but what are you doing here?"

He grinned and tossed his backpack on the small settee beneath the lone window, just to the left of my desk. He made his way towards me and walked to the side of the desk I was occupying and rested his hip at the back of my chair.

"You forgot, that's cute."

Forgot? What would I have forgotten? I can't forget anythi—oh. I flushed once more, or perhaps even darker than the lingering prior blush.

"I didn't forget! I merely got sidetracked and misplaced my sense of time. I have a free thirty minutes till I'm able to leave for the day, would you permit me to save my work?"

He chuckled and I felt his hand trail lightly along the length of my shoulders. Normally I would flinch at anyone's touch, but as I learned, with Derek, I cannot hold myself accountable for my innate reactions to him. I clicked save on my open document, closed out my two working windows and then put my computer into hibernation. In the few moments it took for me to do so, Derek had moved to the settee, lounging as if he hadn't a care in the world. I wish I could be so care free.

"You going to join me or am I going to sit here by myself?"

I smiled and climbed to my feet and made my way towards him. He shoved his bag to the floor and patted the space next to him.

"We won't fit."

He rolled his eyes and spread his arms wide.

"We will; I'll hold you so you don't fall off. Human contact, it's not such a terrible thing, besides, I have it on good authority that you quite like it when I touch you."

I smiled and sat down on the edge of the settee before I felt his arms encircle my chest and pull me backwards. My back met his chest as his arms encircled me just a tad bit tighter; I couldn't fight the grin that erupted on my face.

"It's not that I find it completely abhorrent, it's just that I've never had very much of it given to me…well besides JJ, she kind of just took over and made herself like a mother figure to me. You also assume too much in accordance to how I feel about you and your actions, though I suppose that stemmph—"

His right hand had reached up and covered my mouth. I felt his body vibrating with laughter.

"Can you just stop talking for a second and let it sink into your thick, genius brain that I like you, quirks and all. I'm pretty sure you like me too, flaws and all. You've agreed to see me still after being my sub, that's got to count for something. However, the one thing I'm not fond of at the moment is the fact that we've only had one kiss; so can I remove my hand and replace my fingers with my mouth? Or will you object to that?"

I shook my head against his hand, allowing my lips to form a smile. His arms loosened their hold briefly, just enough to hold onto me as I shifted, twisted and turned till I was facing him. Our eyes met and I was momentarily struck dumb at the intense emotions he allows—unknowingly or not—to course through them. I furrowed my brow—I realized it's a Tuesday, he should be on his way home from school; wouldn't his mother be worried about his absence?

"Pretty Boy—and don't fuss, you are pretty—I'm right where I want to be. Momma thinks I've picked up an extra shift, so my curfew's ten. She never visits, says something about it being disruptive to my want for depending on myself, or something like that."

"How'd you know I was worried about that?"

He smiled.

"You're so easy to read sometimes. Now, you've already wasted about five minutes, can we have another kiss before I age?"

Without warning he pressed forward and captured my lips with his own. I felt his hands fist even tighter in the back of my sweater, pulling me even closer to him, his body heat causing my own to rise rapidly. His lips, it seemed, were dancing with mine—leading me with every press. I couldn't help the smile that erupted, causing him to press a kiss to my teeth. I started to laugh and pulled away; I think I actually made _him_ blush.

"Sorry! I just…I'm not used to this and I enjoy it, don't get me wrong, but you apparently have more expertise when it comes to kissing."

He chuckled and shifted his left leg, causing it to slip between both of mine, our bodies shifted and I was startled at the warmth pressing up into my thigh.

"Relax Spencer, it's alright. I kind of like that we'll be learning things together, makes it mean something."

My cheeks flushed and I buried my face in his chest.

"You'll be the tell, I swear it man, the way those cheeks turn re—"

"Dr. Rei—oh! I am so sorry I thought…I wanted to leave early today, is that a problem?"

I jumped and ended up falling to the floor, quickly scrambling to my feet and smoothing out the wrinkles on my slacks and sweater, mustered up whatever vanquished dignity I had left and faced Elle.

She wanted to make a comment, I knew her long enough to know the type of person she is, but I signed her paychecks and that's what stopped her. For that I was grateful.

"Um, yes, that, that should be fine. I…I'll um, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

She smirked before backing out of the room and winked so only I could see before she shut the door. I was in for some serious interrogation tomorrow. I hid my face in my hands; does she know that Derek's not a student here? He doesn't look like he's in high school, but if she knows he's not one of her fellow students then I am in so much trouble. Unless she won't say anything—I should stop fretting and just wait till tomorrow. I'll let her start the conversation since I know she will regardless of what I tell her.

I dropped my hands and took a deep breath and turned around to face Derek; he was frozen, his hands clenching the settee and his chest heaving with deep breaths, his eyes locked on the now closed door.

"Derek?"

He blinks a few times before shaking his head and finally looking me in the eye.

"Are you alright?"

He shifts so his feet are on the floor and twists his fingers into knots that seem almost painful and settles them on his lap, hunching and curling in on himself, giving me the fakest nod of confirmation I've ever seen.

"I uh, I need to go. Can we have a rain-check for tonight?"

Fighting back the surge of disappointment I nod. I watch in silence as he fumbles to his feet and grabs his backpack, pulling it to him like it's a lifeline and then finally unfolds himself to stand tall. I can see the façade; it's cracked in the faint frown lines around his mouth and the wrinkles around his eyes. He walks slowly towards me—no, towards the door—almost like a skittish animal.

I ignore the impulse to reach out for him, to offer him some semblance of comfort; it would be unwanted and perhaps make him worse. He stops when we're shoulder to shoulder—almost touching.

"I'm sorry, it's…Spencer, believe me, it's me, not you."

He wasn't even looking at me. His jaw was clenched tight. As he walked out of the door, leaving it open behind him, I was finally able to move. I stumbled over to the settee, still warm from where we—he was only moments prior, and practically plunk down.

 _Something_ just happened, but what?

* * *


	13. 013

I sat stiffly in my chair, in approximately thirteen seconds Elle would be entering my office, announcing her arrival for the afternoon, but unlike every other day after she would drop off my third cup of coffee, she will most likely sit in the chair opposite me and demand answers to questions I have to be very, very careful to answer truthfully—the knob is turning.

"Afternoon Dr. Reid."

"Hello Elle, how are you today? Did your morning courses cause you any troubles?"

She smiled her evil smile—it must be a female-only capability, Garcia used to do the same—and walked towards my desk, depositing the cup of coffee in her hands. She did take the seat opposite me and gave me a look. I felt my cheeks flushing; it was a slow flame, crawling slowly up from my neck. I tugged at my tie, if only to have something to do with my hands while I figured out how to start this conversation.

"Reid, you and I both know the young man in your office yesterday doesn't attend here. What I want to know is do I have to keep this to myself, or can we finally tell others that the elusive Dr. Spencer Reid has finally managed to snag a catch?"

"So no small talk today, just right to the point."

She smirked.

"You're not one for beating around the bush; I figured for once I could give in to your whims."

I folded in on myself; I wasn't going to make it easy for her.

"I think I messed up yesterday. He left not too long after you interrupted. I just don't know how to do relationships that aren't student-teacher, or employer-employee. I'm in over my head and for me to say that, well it's a feat and I'm kind of excited to finally find something that has me at wits end on occasion, but at the same time, I'm so frustrated because what if I screw this up? I've already done it once before."

She started laughing.

"Oh, come on Reid, I knew we can't all be on your level of genius, but we're not all dumb as a box of rocks. While I'm sorry that you have the _normal_ , human reaction to new relationships, you didn't answer my question, but can I say something?"

"When do you not?"

"You got a point, however, I'm observant Dr. Reid, I may notice things others don't pick up on so easily. Take the fact that while yes, that young man is a head or two taller than his peers in _whatever_ school he attends, his shoulders are broader than you could ever hope to achieve in width, but it's his eyes that give him away. No, don't interrupt; they're aged by something or things that he's had to endure, but beneath the walls he's erected, gosh Reid, I can't even believe I'm going to ask you this—is he even legal?"

Technically no, no he wasn't. I felt my chest tighten and my face flush, I needed to do something, I started to fidget. I closed my eyes and attempted to regulate my breathing before it could get too out of sync.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down Reid! I didn't mean to make you panic. I'm sorry."

I shook my head and let out a sigh.

"He's seventeen Elle, I met him when I went out for coffee with Ethan a while back, then it turned out—by complete chance, whatever you want to call it—I was his sub when I covered for JJ. He's a senior in high school, I mean, on paper it looks weird, a college professor dating a high school student, but when you step back and realize that the high school student is a rather smart young man and the college professor is only nineteen, two years difference, but for some people that makes a huge difference. Not to mention that some people will look at us differently because we wou—are an interracial couple; I think we're a couple. You can stop me any time Elle, please."

She laughed.

"I think you're doing just fine on your own. So what, technically you're both still kids, what's the big deal? You know what your problem is Reid, you were forced to grow up way too fast and you don't know how to just let go and be the youngster that got left behind."

I ran a hand through my hair.

"Oh man, fingers through the hair, this really does have you frazzled, doesn't it?"

"You have no idea."

She smiled and stood up.

"Tell you what Reid, you drink up your coffee before it gets cold, I'll go see if you've got any appointments waiting for you, if not, I'll keep you free till your ten-thirty class. I know the only peo—"

"We were supposed to have our first, real, actual date last night."

Her mouth clamped shut and I let my gaze fall to the floor.

"Sorry Elle, you're my secretary, not my therapist. Thank you for the coffee and send anyone out front in, nothing will help me better than keeping myself busy."

She offered me one of her rare genuine smiles, nodded, and left me to my own devices. My computer pinged, notifying me of a new message to my inbox. With a sigh I clicked to open it.

_**Spence,** _

_**Hello my favorite genius! I hope you're well adjusted to your schedule again. :) It was great to see you last night, but I could tell something was bothering you, you know I'm here for you. Or Will can help if it's a "guy thing." Believe it or not I do have a valid reason for writing to you, we had a faculty meeting the other day, our guidance counselors feel it would be a good idea for our seniors to go to various college campuses around the area. Why they're just now doing this for them is beyond me, most of them should already have applications in the mail three months ago, but that's public schools for you. Regardless, yours in on the list, would you be willing to meet with different groups throughout the day? Schedule permitting of course. You'll probably get an official message from Ms. Strauss, but I wanted to make sure you knew I asked first! :) It won't be for another month or so to get everything finalized and permission slips sent out and returned, but I hope it strikes something in some of these kids.** _

_**Penny, Emily, and Derek all have their colleges picked out. They even asked if I would write a letter of recommendation for them. I felt so honored! They said if we do this field trip, they'd still come, they'd love to see you again. Well, Penny said it, but I'm sure the others feel the same. I hope I'm not interrupting anything, just get back to me when you can. Oh yeah, thanks again for being willing to take Henry this weekend, Will and I could really use this get away! Aaron lives the next street over, so if there's any problems just give him a call and he'll be right over. Oh, maybe you'll get to meet Jack, his son! He's delightful! Oops, I guess I'm neglecting my own duties, I'll see you Friday afternoon!** _

_**JJ** _

Oh god, what if they approved the field trip and Derek attends and they realize he came and saw me yesterday? Or will remember that he had come here before to see me specifically? I gulped my coffee down, for once not even bothering to add more sugar to it. Oh gosh, I really am doing something a kid. He's applying to colleges—he still has to _go_ to college. Without thinking I dug in my bag for my phone and dialed Ethan's number.

"' _Ello boy-wonder, what can I do for you today?"_

"I need your help!"

" _I'll be there in ten."_

I dropped my phone on the desk and used the intercom to tell Elle the only person she was to let in within the next moments were Ethan, JJ—but since she was at school that was highly unlikely—and any coworker. Otherwise I was dealing with a "family emergency" and was to not be disturbed until I had to leave for class.


	14. 014

"The numbers are on the fridge, Aaron's especially, and he'll probably be over tomorrow regardless with Jack, the boy loves to dote on Henry. His food is labeled and you know—wow, we're really bad at this aren't we?"

I smiled as JJ laughed at her husband. She put her harms around his waist and curled into his side.

"Will, you've wasted the past five minutes explaining things Spencer's known how to do since he was probably three. We're only going to the city, twenty minutes away tops, if we take your car, we'll have your sirens and lights to make it back faster if needed. They'll be fine."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"How can you not be nervous? I'm terrified, and really, it's not you Spencer, it's just, we haven't been away from him."

I nodded—what do I say to them? I didn't understand what they were experiencing, so I couldn't really be empathetic to their plight.

"Alright, Will, grab the bags 'cause it's now or never; we go out that door right now or we'll never make our dinner reservation. Spence thanks so much, give Henry love from us in the morning, or a few hours, depending on which comes first. His sleeping is still erratic at best."

"Drive safe and if it helps, you can let me know when you get there."

She grinned and left Will's side to pull me in for a hug.

"Now who's being the mother hen?"

"Well, you always say it to me, so I figure I could at least return the favor."

She patted my back and I waited till they were out the door and shut it, hearing her muffled—lock the door! I did and knew she waited for the click on the other side; otherwise she probably would've stood there or rushed back in and attempted to tuck me into bed claiming I was falling ill. I waited till I heard the car engine—Will's notably—start and back out the drive.

I moved to the living-room and sat down on the couch, my eyes zeroing in on the monitor that allowed both audio and visual coverage to Henry's room and crib. He was still asleep, for that I was grateful. I let my fingers toy with the edges of the couch cushions and attempted to keep my breathing steady before it started to go amiss. I could do this. I really could. I took care of my mother when I was younger, and I've been taking care of Henry in the past month and two weeks of his life, granted JJ and or Will have always been within vocal range—I'm responsible for another human being's life. There was no time for me to second guess myself now.

I had all my quizzes graded; I didn't want any distractions from Henry this weekend. I still haven't heard from Derek, not since we parted on Tuesday. This nagging feeling within me to want to hear even just his voice through the speaker of the telephone, or even a measly text message, was building up the past three or so days. Almost like when I missed letters from my Mom, but not quite so familial. I missed him?

My eyes diverted to the monitor, Henry sniffled and squirmed—he was probably soiling his diaper. Oh, I would have to get him changed and clean when he woke up—I can do this. I can do this. I can. He settled down and remained asleep and I let out a slight breath of relief.

A knock on the front door startled me out of my thoughts a while later. A quick glance back up to the monitor let me know Henry was still asleep; peeking through the peephole I was shocked to see Ethan on the other side.

"I know you're staring at me through the door, just open up already boy wonder and let me in!"

"What are you doing here?"

He pushed his way in as soon as I cracked the door open and grinned at me. Dropping his duffle by the door he proceeded into the living-room.

"Just know I'm here for moral support, not because no one thinks you can't do this. JJ called me the moment they turned off their street, asked if I had any plans this weekend, the moment she mentioned your name I told her I can rearrange things."

He was standing in front of the monitor, watching Henry.

"I, well I'm more relieved than anything. Mostly so I won't have to face Mr. Hotchner tomorrow alone; he intimidated me when I filled in for her class. He doesn't strike me as the type that's too different between work and home."

He turned to face me and moved the couch and plopped down, patting the cushion next to him. I could only obey.

"Speaking of work, my dear Spencer, how you doing from Tuesday, was it?"

I groaned and put my face in my hands. I felt his hand on my back, small, soothing circles going up and down.

"Everyone has issues in relationships Spencer, you two wouldn't be any different, your IQ be damned friend. The way you spout off at the mouth about the guy, he can't be just our average run-of-the-mill jock. I haven't seen you that panic stricken since your thesis paper was misplaced by your graduating professor, the first time around.

"I've avoided the coffee shop this week, so I don't know if he's picked up extra shifts, you know how it is, stressed out, you need something to relieve the thoughts swirling around in your head. If you want, we'll all go, even invite that stiff Mr. Hotchner along, we could play house all weekend if you want. I'm here till we go home Sunday afternoon, which will turn into evening 'cause you know JJ will force feed us whatever southern dish of heaven-sent food Will can whip up an like ten minutes.

"We don't have to talk about him, but if you want to, I'll be right by your side. If you want to call him, I can go occupy myself with Henry, or go play the piano in the back parlor. Just don't forget Spencer, you're both still young; you're both going to have insecurities, especially when you've carried the kind of baggage you both have. I'm serious, don't give me that look, from what you eluded to on Tuesday, it's beyond evident that he was molested when he was young, probably for a lengthy period of time. His trust in you, his willingness to be in a relationship with you, it's a big deal and shouldn't be taken lightly by eit—"

A wail broke our tense atmosphere and we both glanced up at the monitor. I quickly got to my feet and sprinted upstairs to Henry's room. I listened as Ethan followed at a smaller pace. Untangling him from his blanket I gently lifted him and carried him to the changing table adjacent to his bassinet. He had a crib, but he shouldn't be in it for a while, or that's what all the books JJ forced on me earlier, knowing I would finish them before she and Will left.

Henry's wails softened and turned to small hiccups as I unfastened his onesie; I will never understand why there are so many snaps on infant clothing. I understand their bodies are smaller, need to be warmed on a regular basis, but that's what blankets are for, swaddling them and merely holding them close, not layers and layers of snap filled clothing.

"The kid's a good look on you boy wonder."

"Derek said the same thing to me the first time JJ brought Henry in to school."

"Oooh, I'm being compared to the boyfriend; as the bestie I should be totally affronted."

We grinned at each other as I cradled Henry to my chest and headed back downstairs to get him a bottle. Perhaps he woke due to hunger.

"I'm certain they don't talk like that anymore, well Garcia might, but most of the other kids I encountered, not so much."

He scoffed and followed me down.

An hour later I found myself with my back pressed against Ethan's chest and Henry asleep on my own. We were watching some horrible B-rated sci-fi, made-for-tv movie Ethan picked.

"How come we can't do this?"

I was startled by his question.

"You don't have repressed homosexual tendencies and are quite adamantly heterosexual; neither one of us can afford a house like this, even with our combined salary, nor as neither of us are female, any child of ours would have only one-half the genetic make up of only one us."

I felt his chest vibrate from his laugh.

"Well yeah, but that shouldn't mean anything, doesn't everyone have an exception?"

I sighed, mindful of Henry—hopefully he would be asleep the remainder of the night.

"I certainly hope that I am not your exception."

"You still have yet to bring up the fact that you are a taken man in this conversation. I'd have thought would've been the first thing in your list, not my lack of repressed homosexual tendencies. Which by the way, how would you know? You only met me during my junior year of college, my freshman year is still full of blacked out nights I'm only getting small glimpses of here and there."

I let my head fall back, hitting the side of his in the process.

"You're the Penelope Garcia of my life. I thought I was done with her shenanigans when I was done substituting, but it only took me to realize that you and her are too much alike."

I felt his arms snake around my abdomen; we weren't normal under any circumstances—not for just friends. Ethan knew my preference just as well as I knew his. He's met others I've attempted to date and he's never been weirded out by them, just as his girlfriends—most of them anyway—are quite alright with our friendship. He's the only person I allow to be tactile with my body. Even more so than previous relationships.

"If that's the eccentric blonde chick that harasses your guy on some weekends at the coffee shop, I will take that as a huge compliment. You haven't even checked your phone once since I've been here, and knowing you, it's probably still in your messenger bag so you wouldn't have to look at it. It's Friday Spencer; one of the few nights you told him you're free. Hand over the kid, grab your phone, and go upstairs to your room and at the very least have a text message conversation with him. Believe me, this is normal between people."

I knew when I was defeated—a lesson I learned early in life and was glad to keep on hand. I slowly sat up and shifted Henry into Ethan's waiting arms and got to my feet. I glanced at him and he nodded.

"If it doesn't go well, knowing JJ, and you, there's ice-cream in the freezer; it's got our names on it."

I smiled and headed upstairs.


	15. 015

I sighed and flopped back on the bed. I brought my phone up to my face and stared at the 'History' page, showing me that I had two missed calls and one new text message—all from Derek. I smiled and opened his message; _Hey Spencer, I called twice, but you'll see that…sorry…I remember you telling me that Friday's are one of your free evenings, if you want, call me back. I'll prob be waiting for your call._

The time stamp placed his waiting for my response at a little over two hours; a Friday night and he tells me he's waiting on my call. Would he wait all night?

I shook my head; we are not in some romantic-comedy of a 'chick-flick.' I pressed the call button and placed the phone to my ear.

" _Hello, Spencer?"_

"Hi…Hello, Derek, yes, it's me."

I heard a relieved sigh and then he just started talking.

" _Can I be lame and apologize for the past few days? The phone's not the proper way to do this, but I couldn't take it all week not knowing if you were upset about what happened on Tuesday. I am sorry."_

I bit my lip—do I tell him I know? I felt myself nod, readily accepting his apology, regardless of the fact he cannot see me.

"I want to say it's fine but I feel that's the wrong statement to make…it's okay doesn't sound right either…are…are you alright, now?"

A breathless chuckle crackled through the phone; I smiled.

" _Better now that I'm actually talking to you. Spencer, I have some hefty baggage, some of it I'm sure you can speculate; especially if you spent any time around Hotch and Rossi…I_ want _to tell you, I do, but it's not that easy…um…did you agree to meet with students next month? Ms. JJ said that your school is one that we're going to."_

The smile that brightened up my entire face fell at his soft 'um' of indecision. I could tell he was hurting, mostly from himself—that self-inflicted guilt-trip is the worst and long-suffering if you don't work through it properly and let it go. I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of my own.

"Yes, I agreed. She told me that you, Emily and Garcia are just coming to say hello. Can I ask where you plan on going to college?"

Silence lulled for a good minute before he lout another small sigh. I wanted to sigh too—how could I keep forgetting that he was leaving at the end of August?

" _I've a full ride for football…it's not here and I think that's another problem neither of us want to discuss right now…or at least I don't. Is that wrong of me? I want to be selfish from now till when I have to leave…I meant it when I told you I wanted to get to know you…I, um…"_

"I understand, completely. At the same time though, have you considered just giving u—"

" _DON'T! Please don't ask me to do that…not now…but I have and I realized that while you're like a walking encyclopedia and I'm damaged…oh man, why is being honest so hard? …it's hard to explain Spencer, but I…I get I'm young and so many people would tell you not to wait for me, or something dreadful like that, and that I'm not supposed to_ know _what feeling like this actually_ feels _like…I mean, since our first kiss in the bathroom at school, you've been the first and last thought to my days, cheesy I know, but…I should be_ terrified _…but I'm_ not _."_

I grinned.

"Sorry I asked…I just…I don't…I mean, I…I've never had someone cause my words to fail the way you do."

I bit my lip and smiled as I heard him laugh in my ear. The quiet sound of breathing—mingling our own—lasted for longer that what should've been comfortable.

"I'm babysitting this weekend and um, Ethan's here, helping me out…if Mr. Hotchner wasn't supposed to be checking in I, we'd come to your work tomorrow…I like you Derek, I do. A lot, and I don't know how I'll handle having to keep you a secret because you make me happy, happier than I've been in a long time…people can tell I'm happy…and I can't tell them why."

" _Hey now, hey; you make me happier too. Come by anyway, we can pretend…if we have to. Hotch is pretty cool, he's uh, he's helped me a lot; Momma adores him and Jack. She knows about you too. It was an accident really; earlier today really…she knew something happened Tuesday afternoon and that it was still bothering me today and…she's my Momma, you know? I had done another cheesy thing and wrote you an actual letter, pen and paper…I fell asleep just before I signed my name…she uh, came to tell me she was going to start dinner and, I can't believe I'm about to admit this to you…"_

He chuckled.

"… _she knew I had been crying and being Momma, didn't want to disturb me…she thought the letter was_ to _me, not_ from _me. She read it; I caught her when she was half-through it…when she was done she set the paper down and looked at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears and the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face. She said, 'you better sign this and give it to him and you treat him right, you hear me? When your both ready, you bring him over for a proper dinner; lord knows your sisters will have to reign in their excitement. Don't look at me like that Derek Morgan, I'm your Mother. I'm allowed to be happy for my baby when he's falling in love for the first time!'"_

I smiled at the high pitch he added to his voice as he mimicked his mother.

" _So at least now you know that she knows…and whenever we're ready, she wants you over for dinner…is…would that be alright with you?"_

"Absolutely."

A knock on the door interrupted my next train of thought, Henry was wailing again.

" _Is that Henry?"_

"Yes. I…thank you for tonight Derek. I mean it. I have to go though…we'll come see you tomorrow."

" _I'll be sure to deliver your note. Goodnight Spencer."_

"Goodnight Derek."

I hit the end call button and quickly sat up and told Ethan to come in. He was bouncing Henry in his arms and looked a little out of his element. I held out my arms and he quickly shifted Henry over to me. It took a good few minutes to get him to settle, but he finally did and I rested against my headboard. Ethan sat himself down on the foot of the bed.

"Sorry to interrupt; how'd it go?"

I smiled and nodded.

"That good huh? Your phone virtue is still in tact right?"

I blushed.

"We're not like that!"

"I'm curious; don't look at me like that. You're never forthcoming with details—EVER!—so I'm stuck making up my own. You never like _my_ version of things."

I laughed, tugging Henry closer as he simply stared up at my face. His small brow furrowed, eyes wide and curious, his hand grasping my index finger; I smiled down at him.

"It was a talk we needed to have. We'll also be seeing him tomorrow afternoon, even if we bring Aaron with us."

"Perhaps Aaron's my exception!"

He wiggled his eyebrows at me and we both laughed.

 


	16. 016

"Mr. Spencer, is Mr. Ethan, Henry's Mommy? Like how I used to has a Mommy?"

"Jack, buddy, I told you, there are some things we don't ask people, that's one of those questions we don't just ask someone."

Despite my flushed face I remained kneeling on the floor next to Henry's car-seat and turned towards Jack who stood hanging on to one of Hotch's legs.

"Jack, while I agree with your dad, some questions shouldn't be asked; I'm glad you're curious enough to ask all sorts of questions though. I love questions! Mr. Ethan is just my friend, he's more of a brother actually; he's like another uncle for Henry."

He grinned.

"Like how I call Derek, Uncle Derek? Will Henry call Ethan, Uncle Ethan, but always call you Uncle Spencer like I always call Uncle Dave, Uncle Dave?"

I glanced up at Hotch who nodded and offered the smallest of smiles. He ruffled Jack's hair.

"You got it bud, now let Spencer grab his coat so we can pile in the truck and you can see what treat Derek will pick out for you today."

"I get to sit next to Henry right? In our big seats? Will I be able to hold him again? Miss JJ let me hold him a few times, I like holding him when he's so small."

I nodded as I stood up.

After the eventful ten minutes that was the loading up of Hotch's SUV—who knew a genius, a musician and a high school teacher couldn't strap in two children? We finally made it to the café Derek works at; Ethan was carrying Henry, Jack actually let me hold his hand as we walked in, following his dad into the establishment.

I'm not certain to consider us 'lucky' or not that the place wasn't busy. Derek was leaning against the counter and lit up at the sight of our little entourage.

"Hey Little Man!"

"Derek! Look, Daddy and me gots Spencer and Ethan and Henry today! Miss JJ and Mr. Will are on vacam-vacat, um, Spencer what's the word you told me?"

My eyes met Derek's and we smiled at each other. I glanced back down at Jack and he was grinning up at me, tugging on my arm impatiently, as if that would get the answer out of me even quicker.

"Vacation."

"Vacation. They's on vacation so Spencer and Ethan are Henry's Daddies this weekend, but you're not supposed to ask them about it. Daddy said so."

The laughter that erupted throughout the establishment couldn't be helped; at least I didn't blush.


	17. 017

Derek's laugh was loud, it echoed slightly before he quieted down to softer chuckles. His eyes met mine and his grin grew a fraction in size—mine did too. He quickly darted his gaze back down to Jack.

"Is that so little man? Tell you what, I'll pretend I didn't hear you say anything about it and just give you your treat early, sound good?"

Jack darted out of my grasp and up to the counter—despite the rapid palpitations in my chest and Aaron's slight smile, it was only a handful of steps, five-point-two-eighths—stood up on his tip-toes and put his hands on the edge, pulling himself up taller; attempting to at least.

We all watched as Derek reached beneath the counter and pulled out a small paper bag, one of the café's, obscuring the treat from Jack's view even more. He lent forward so he could be as close to Jack's level as he could, as if he were going to tell him a grand secret.

"This treat is very special, I made it myself. I didn't even let Momma help me this time, but when I was your age, I'd help her make these treats all the time. It was the only treat my sisters didn't like making, they said it was too sticky. I thought it was perfect! It only has two ingredients, or so that's how me and Momma always made 'em."

Jack made a face up at Derek.

"Am I going to like it? One time you gave me veggies, and that was only 'cause you stole them from Miss Penelope 'cause you forgot to bring me my special treat. She said it was because you was distracted by someone special—do you have someone special Derek? Daddy says Mommy will always be his someone special, and Miss JJ has Mr. Will."

Derek handed him the brown bag and shook his head; we were to keep it a secret.

"You'd better like it! It's one of my favorite treats in the whole world! And nope, no one special; Miss Penelope just likes to think she knows everything about everyone."

Jack fiddled with the bag, a look of concentration fluttered across his face for a moment and then he burst into a wide grin.

"I know! I know! What if Mr. Spencer was your special someone, he and Mr. Ethan can't be special some-ones because they're only pretend Daddies to Henry. Henry might be my special someone, but I think the little red haired girl who lives behind my house would get jealous. We play together a lot."

Aaron let out a slight cough at his son's outburst, Ethan just laughed, and Derek and I, we stared at each other—I was fighting a losing battle with an unflattering blush.

"What are these things? Is this cereal? Daddy you eat this for breakfast sometimes! Derek what did you give me? Spencer, what is this, can I eat it?"

I was grateful for Jack's mile-a-minute thought process and his distraction. I glanced down at him; he had torn open the bag and held a lumpy rice-crispy-treat in his hand. He was examining it—had he really never had one before? I grinned. It was also my favorite thing to do with my mother—on her better days—when I was younger.

I squatted down to his level and nodded.

"They're called rice-crispy-treats, and you're right, they are made of cereal. Cereal and marshmallows; the marshmallows are what's holding it together."

"Like glue?"

"Yes, but it's edible, meaning you can eat it. They're really yummy, you'll want a whole bunch of those once you have just one. They're my favorite snack."

"Really?"

He grinned and quickly turned to Derek.

"See, I told you Derek, Spencer and you have the same favorite snack! You are special some-ones."

Then without another thought or comment he took a bite out of the treat and his eyes lit up and he squealed and devoured—there really was no other word to describe it—the remainder of the treat. Derek procured drinks for the adults and even warmed up the bottle of formula I brought along for Henry; to Jack's pleasure he also brought out a large plate of rice-crispy-treats.

Aaron put a few in a baggie to take home with them, Ethan and I snagged a few for later as well.

"You go on ahead Spencer, take the kids to a table, Ethan and I can handle the drinks."

"We know to bring you the entire stock of sugar buddy, no worries. Go eat a treat or two before the kid inhales all of them and we leave you to chase after him at the park down the street."

The slight smirk on Aaron's face unnerved me; I could tell they were jesting, however, only in part. I knew the first portion of Ethan's statement to be a joke, as he and Derek always poke fun of my intake of sugar, but would they really leave me with Jack hopped up on sugar? Did they want to be left alone? Were they hinting at something? Could I handle Jack and Henry alone? Oh gosh, what if Aaron was Ethan's exception? I thought we were only joking last night!

"Hey Doc, you still on the planet or did you go back home?"

"Excuse me?"

I glared at the interrupter of my thoughts, only to soften my glare at the sight of Derek sitting next to me, holding out Henry's bottle; his smile a peace offering for his slight insult.

"Couldn't resist, you looked lost in your head—it was either really important or freaking you out. I went with the second option since you hadn't moved and the kid ate five more squares under your nose and you hadn't stopped him."

I took the bottle out of his hand, both of us letting out fingers touch and small smile grace my lips before I turned towards Henry who was sitting on the table in his carrier—asleep. Go figure.

"Why are you turning pink Spencer? Derek, why did you touch Spencer's fingers and why are you touching his chair, you have your own?"

I heard Derek chuckle next to me; I couldn't bring my attention away from Henry to save my life.

"Spencer is my friend Jack, he doesn't mind."

Jack frowned.

"But Daddy said Spencer doesn't like people touching him or to be really close to him. He doesn't mind me and Henry 'cause we're little, oh, I get it! Daddy told me that Spencer was your teacher, so you are little to him too! That's why he doesn't mind."

I forced a smile and a nod, sliding the plate of treats out of his grasp and shoving one in my own mouth if only to have something to refrain from responding to the child who has no idea what he's doing—or saying for that matter.

I glance over Jack's head to see Aaron and Ethan gathering napkins and spoons and of course my large supply of sugar at the small stand across the café. I can hear that Derek's saying something to Jack but I'm not listening to them anymore. Jack's a child and I already feel this awkward and uncomfortable hiding the fact that Derek is my special someone. Ethan knows, he doesn't mind; most people wouldn't if they didn't know I was a college professor on paper and was once Derek's substitute teacher. If they only glanced at us, they'd see a geek and a jock—most likely assume we're just friends.

I internally shook my head—I needed to get myself together. I was the rational one, the one with the high I.Q. or so says the few scraps of paper my mother has hanging on her walls back home. No, I'll think about this after I put Henry to bed; Ethan and Aaron are approaching the table.

"Hello Squirt, Little Man, Baby Genius and Boy Wonder, save us grown ups any treats?"

"Mr. Ethan, you're so weird!"

I grinned; he had just called Derek, "Squirt," and Derek didn't have a clue. Ethan took the seat next to Jack, draping his arm along the back of his chair as Aaron distributed the three cups of coffee and the small cup of juice. He then pulled a chair up beside Ethan and started mixing in cream and only one small pack of sugar to his coffee.

"Derek, I'm sure Jack's forgotten, but do you have to work in the morning tomorrow?"

That seemed to spark something in Jack because his face lit up and he beamed. He sat up taller in his chair and waved his hands in the hair.

"No Daddy, I want to ask, I remember now!"

Aaron nodded; a smile—a full fledged smile—fluttered across his usually stoic face. I was taken back by how much more approachable he seemed with it.

"Derek, I have another soccer game tomorrow, can you come this time? Uncle Rossi helps Daddy coach and we always go for lunch after. And, and Daddy, can Spencer and Ethan and Henry come too?"

I grinned. I loved the excitement in the little boy across from me. He was definitely the distraction I needed right now. I glanced up at Ethan who gave me a slight nod, then over to Aaron who glanced down at his son.

"Jack, you have to ask them, I cannot make that choice for them."

"We don't have plans tomorrow morning; we'd love to come see you play Jack."

He grinned up at me and turned expectantly to Derek who was still leaning casually into my space without it seeming like he was too close.

"I'm actually off tomorrow kiddo, sounds like a date! Want me to bring Momma; she'd love to cheer on her favorite Jack."

"Yes! Please."

Small talk about previous games—which I learned had no scores to keep due to ages, however, parents still did it—what Uncle Rossi does when he takes Jack for the day sometimes, and just how much Jack adores Derek's Mom.

Before I knew it, Ethan and I had said our goodbyes to Derek—who got a rather stern handshake from Ethan. Oh, right, that best friend/brother deal that means protection or something like that—then we were being dropped back off at JJ's house. Ethan was quick to retreat to his room, saying something about giving me privacy with my thoughts.

Henry was asleep once again so I had no distraction against my thoughts—the very things I wanted to not dwell upon. Today rose a lot of questions and concerns; a lot of which I am wholly uncomfortable with voicing, even if only just in the confines of my mind.

Specifically, can I do this like I said I could?


	18. 018

I smoothed down Ethan's t-shirt again and fiddled with the strap to Henry's diaper bag. We truly looked the part of a couple with a child today; matching—well semi—outfits, I was holding the bag and twisting my other hand around the handle of the empty stroller because Henry was happily gurgling in Ethan's arms.

A sudden collision with my knees had me glancing down and I couldn't help but to smile at the bright eyed kid attached to me.

"You came! I'm so excited!"

I patted his head awkwardly and kept my smile as I nodded. Ethan ruffled his hair, stepping into my space, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

"Sure thing kiddo, we wouldn't want to miss this! We're sad we've missed a few games already! Where are the best seats so we can cheer you guys on?"

"That would be near us."

We turned at Aaron's voice; Ethan quickly dropped his arm at the raised brows coming from both Aaron and Mr. Rossi.

"Lead the way."

I groaned at Ethan's obvious whimsical fancy of Aaron—is it the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? That fairytale prince that every kid dreams of having or being; I wouldn't know, I didn't read the happy fairytales.

"Who's the puppy?"

I couldn't help but smile at Rossi as he gave the backsides of Ethan and Aaron an odd look—at least I wasn't the only companion forgotten in a moments notice.

"Uncle Rossi that's Spencer's pretend husband for the weekend, he and Ethan are Henry's daddies while Mr. Will took Ms. JJ away."

I could only nod in response. He gave me a stare, like he knew something I didn't. He leaned close and spoke so I knew Jack wouldn't hear what was said.

"Glad it's only pretend; I don't think Derek's into sharing."

My eyes widened and he chuckled before rushing Jack ahead. I stood there dumbfounded. If he knew, who else knew? He didn't sound condescending or disgusted or anything negative, it was almost teasing, but we only—oh good grief, his mother was coming today.

Calm yourself Spencer. You're a highly intellectual being, you should know better than to act like a twelve year old school girl about this. He's above the age of consent for both hetero-and-homosexual relations, not that there is anything to consent to—deep breaths man!

"Doctor Reid, are you okay?"

I closed my eyes at the intruding voice—I did not need her interference. Not now, not ever. I turned around calmly and once I opened my eyes I noticed she wasn't alone. My minor panic attack was being witnessed by the spawn of evil herself, Garcia, her friend Prentiss—Emily, and Derek, and the kindest looking woman sandwiched between the two girls as if they were the best of friends. I forced a nod.

"Yes, I, I'm fine Penelope. I believe Ethan is saving seats. Aaron said sitting near he and Dave are the better seats for cheering on Jack and his teammates. He-hello Emily and Derek, and, and you must be Mrs. Morgan. Hello, I'm Doctor Reid, Spencer."

"Doc rambles when he's nervous, you ladies go on ahead, I'll make sure he's calmed down some before we take our seats with you. Em, will you take Henry's things to Ethan please?"

"Derek, I'm capable of saying hello on my own. It's nice to meet you Spencer, I've heard so many pleasant things about you from Penelope and Derek and if you can believe it, on occasion from Emily. It's nice to finally have a face to go with the name that floats around my house. I hope you don't mind my rudeness in not offering a handshake but these girls apparently won't let go. Come along ladies, it's apparent we're not wanted."

I couldn't think of anything to say so I smiled and nodded awkwardly. Emily held out her free arm and gestured towards Henry's things; Penelope took the stroller. As they started walking off his mother turned over her shoulder and looked directly at her son.

"Derek Morgan, do well to remember we're in a public park, surrounded by families. If you want privacy I suggest you either return to the car or there's a nice bench down one of the trails, but I will not be the one to explain to Jack why you caused Spencer to miss one of his games."

I felt my cheeks flush and Derek attempted to splutter a reply but she turned around and walked off. We stood there rather silently for a few minutes before I finally let myself look at him. He was staring at the ground, his cheeks a darker shade than normal—he was blushing. I smiled.

"So that's your mother, she's very pleasant."

His gaze finally lifted and met mine; he smiled.

"Yeah, Momma can be a force to be reckoned with when she wants to be. It's my sisters that are the real menaces though. Come on, let's at least give them something to talk about for a few minutes."

He reached out and took a gentle hold on my wrist, tugging me in the direction of the woods. I glanced behind us, taking in the shrinking forms of the people we know, then at the people we were passing by—not a single one of them was giving us a second glance. I caught the occasional muttering of _teenagers_ accompanied by a chuckle or if I happened to glance at the person muttering, a smile.

"You still with me Pretty Boy, or is your head up in the clouds again?"

"What?"

"Something was bothering you earlier; you want to talk about it?"

We had slowed to a normal walking pace once we entered the woods. His hand slipped down to mine and linked our fingers together. It was a pleasant foreign concept for me; I squeezed his hand every now and then as we walked.

"I think a lot…about us. I worry about things…legal things because we both have our whole lives ahead of us and I, I, I just can't help it sometimes, I get on a tangent and my mind just goes with it, looking at it from every possible an—mmph"

His mouth was covering mine. The arm not attached to the hand holding mine wrapped itself around my waist and pulled me close, our chests pressing together. His lips were massaging mine, not pressing for more, but merely announcing their presence. I tentatively pressed back, mimicking his actions—even putting my free arm around his waist. I felt the corners of his mouth twitch upwards as his lips continued to kiss my own.

I squeezed his hand, wanting to hold onto him tighter, pressed my mouth forward just a bit more and fisted the back of his t-shirt. He shifted, nudging a leg between mine, pulling and pressing closer as he squeezed back. His hand trailed up my back before resting at the nape of my neck and I felt my knees go weak the moment his thigh brushed against my groin. I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were still closed, he was breathing hard; I bit my lip.

I released my fist in his shirt and moved it slowly up his back, coming up under his arm and then up his pectorals, then up his neck and cupped his jaw. The moment my thumb swiped the corner of his mouth he opened his eyes and we both froze, caught in each others' stare.

After a few intense moments I felt his thumb move along the length of my neck as he smiled softly.

"Come on Spencer, let's get back before Jack beats me up for keeping you hostage. The kid says things he has no idea are truth sometimes."

I grinned and dropped my hand from his face. We untangled ourselves and headed back towards the group of people who were cheering rather loudly as we approached.

It wasn't until I was sitting down next to Ethan and taking Henry from his arms that I realized Derek and I had walked all the way back holding hands. I smiled as I leaned over and asked Ethan to catch me up on the game.


	19. 019

_3 years later_

"Doctor Reid, there's a family here to see you; they say you know they're coming."

I forced a smile at Elle's replacement Ashley.

"Thanks Ms. Seaver, send them in; if that's all you're free to leave early."

I noticed the slight droop in her posture—Dave tells me it's the burden of being young, pretty, and close to their age.

"Are you sure? I don't mind assisting you with anything else, I mean, thank you, see you tomorrow morning!"

She didn't close the door but I heard her murmur something to whoever was outside. The door was pushed open rather forcefully and the blonde head that peered around its edge had me sitting up and grinning.

"Uncle Spencer!"

"Hello Jack, how are you today?"

He moved quickly around the desk to my side and threw his arms around my neck. I returned the hug.

"Great! I'm so excited that you're taking us to the game. Daddy says I need to calm down a little or we'll all go home."

"That's right little man; your dad knows how you get! Hey Spencer! Who's the fangirl?"

I smiled over at Ethan, who Jack released his hug and melted to Ethan's leg. They were in matching t-shirts. I smiled.

"Yet another poor girl who falls victim to the awesomeness that is Spence. She really has no clue you're not interested in the ladies? Poor child; she's got moony eyes for you."

I blushed at JJ's words as she made her presence known.

"Where's Henry, he'll vouch for me!"

She grinned.

"He's three, he'll vouch for anything in your favor because you're his favorite person outside mom and dad."

"'Pence! Down Daddy, I want 'Pence!"

The short boy with bright blonde hair came bounding into the room and made his way directly to me. I held out my arms and lifted him up onto my lap.

"Hi Henry."

"Hi 'Pence!"

I greeted the other adults as they filed in, Aaron and Will and even Dave showed up. The latter raising his brow.

"That how you plan on showing your school pride at what's to be one of their most important football games of the year? A bow-tie in school colors, where did you even find one of those?"

"I made it out of a tie from the school store; yes, I can sew."

I grabbed the bundle of tickets sitting under my computer monitor and handed them out. A knock on the door startled all the small talk going on. I called out a come in and was startled to see one of my students heads poke around the door's edge.

"Oh, s-s-sorry Reid, I, I didn't realize you were busy."

"Hold on Tobias, are you alright? I have a few moments; I can send these guys on ahead."

He nodded with a faint tinge of pink to his cheeks—that was a blatant no.

"Guys go on ahead, I'll meet you in the stands; come in Tobias."

I waited till Ethan shut the door behind him before returning my attention to the young man now sitting on my couch. I reclaimed my desk chair and waited for him to start talking. I've learned that that's how he functions; no direct confrontation of any kind or else he freaks out.

"I'm sorry…it…it's probably nothing, b-b-but I…I overheard people talking ab-about you."

"People always talk Tobias, you and I know that more than most."

He shook his head almost violently.

"N-n-no, it, it wasn't because you're smart…it was about a boy."

His cheeks tinged pink and I felt my insides tense.

"Can you tell me what you heard?"

He nodded. I would have to wait again till he was ready to share. It took him almost two minutes before he opened his mouth again.

"You know I, I help with maintaining the locker rooms?"

I nodded.

"When, when we have games, the op-opposing team is down the same hall…there was a, a, a family standing with one of the players from, from the other, the other team…I, I was getting ready to leave the, the laundry room when I heard one of the ladies say your name."

On the opposing team? I cocked my head to the side.

"I, I hid in the doorway…they couldn't see me…one of, one of the ladies around him, she said, 'Reid's coming today. I asked him after class Tuesday, apparently it's a family affair.' An older voice spoke next, 'Des, leave Dr. Reid out of this. Now baby, you will do just fine today. You've come so far and I'm so proud. We'll be in the stands. Get on back to your team so you boys can do whatever crazy shenanigans you get up to before a game.' I, I saw the name on the back of the jersey."

"It's okay Tobias; you don't have to tell me. I know who you're talking about and really, it's nothing to concern yourself with. I'm an old family friend and haven't really spoken to them in years."

He was looking at me with something I've never seen in his eyes before.

"You're lying."

"My personal life is none of your concern Mr. Hankel and I would appreciate it if you dropped the subject at hand. I need to meet my party in the stands."

I could feel myself panicking on the inside—it would be the one student of mine who is just about as socially awkward as I am who would finally pull the Derek Morgan card from my past.

I stood and squared my shoulders the best I could. He did the same, standing taller by a few inches.

"I don't like liars Dr. Reid."

I've never heard his voice sound so firm and cold before.

"I'm sorry Tobias."

He stood and quickly exited my office.


	20. 020

"Alright guys, we have chicken nuggets or a hotdog to choose from, which one would you like?"

"Ch'kn!"

I nodded at Henry and turned to Jack who had a look of contemplation.

"Hot dog, that's what Ethan's getting!"

I smiled. I was so glad JJ brought Henry's stroller, there was no way I'd manage everything without the two strapped to something. Jack kept tugging on his child-leash; I was told to fasten it on his back so he couldn't unbuckle himself—I think I'd have a massive panic attack if that occurred.

"Spencer? Spencer Reid is that you?"

I knew that voice; I knew it so well. I turned to the owner of the voice, pulling Jack closer and tightening the grip on Henry's stroller. I forced a small smile at the woman who had walked up to me in line.

"Yes, he-hello Mrs. Morgan."

She grinned; it didn't permeate her eyes fully. There was sadness present in them—I'm sure it's my fault.

"How are you? Des never tells me anything about you. It's always something about her friends or this young man who holds her affections at present. Are these Henry and Jack? They've grown so much since I saw them last."

"Misses Morgan! I've missed you at my games! Daddy says it's not polite for me to ask you to come. Ethan tells Daddy it's romantic—is that the right word Spencer?"

She chuckled; I shrugged—his eyes widened a fraction.

"I miss watching my favorite soccer star, or have you gone on to another sport? You can also tell your Daddy that Ethan's correct."

"I knew it! No, I still play soccer. I'm even teaching Henry how to play!"

She smiled down at them both.

"That's very good to know. Are you enjoying the game?"

"O'course I am! Is Derek playing? I heard the man say Morgan and I know they only say last names at games."

"You're rather smart Jack, and yes, he's playing."

I froze. I had heard the name but ignored it—as much as I could. I felt her hand gently rest on my forearm.

"You boys enjoy the rest of your evening; I have to get back to my seat."

She lowered her voice.

"Spencer Reid, I will see you Monday morning."

She stepped back and smiled, waving her departure; Jack hollered a goodbye and slipped his hand onto the stroller handle.

I let him babble and went through the motions of ordering and balancing the box of food for our group on top of the stroller as we returned to our seats.

My thoughts turned to a night three years prior as I tuned out the game before me.

… _fingertips trailed along my ribs, lips pressed open-mouthed kisses along my neck and jaw. I squirmed and trailed my own hands up and down the slightly muscled back._

" _Pretty Boy, you coming back to me now?"_

_I grinned and opened my eyes, letting them search out the piercing gaze directed above me. I let the larger, warm body press me into the mattress, curling my arms around his torso, pulling us closer._

" _I never left."_

_His body vibrated with a small laugh and he shifted his hips, pressing our groins together—nothing explicit, just mere intimacy._

" _You went into that big ol' brain of yours, that's far away enough…you do know I'm going to miss you right?"_

_His forehead pressed against my own, the desperation in his voice seemed to press us even closer; this sheer overwhelming desire to just be metaphorically inside of him washed over me._

" _I'm aware."_

_He pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I felt them split into a playful grin._

" _Aren't you going to miss me?"_

_I bit my lip._

The crowd's mixture of cheers and boos broke my chain of thought. I quickly glanced to Ethan, he was grinning and Jack was jumping up and down on the seat next to him. We won—Derek's team lost. Derek was somewhere down on that field, hundreds of feet from me. Would his mother tell him she saw me? I don't even know if his sister tells him anything.

"Spence!"

Deep breaths man, calm yourself! This is life, it happens to everyone else too. It's okay. Does she though? I was—

"Specner!"

I jolted at the hand on my shoulder. I blinked rapidly and turned to face the owner of the hand—JJ.

"You alright?"

I nodded.

"Good. We want to go and celebrate, want to tag along for some ice-cream?"

Henry was on her hip and he reached out towards me.

"Come 'Pence, get ice-cream!"

I pulled him to me and perched him on my own hip.

"Alright."

We crammed into Aaron's SUV; I sat between the car-seats—apparently I was the only one slim enough to. Ethan, JJ and Will were in the third seat and Aaron and Rossi were up front.

We were out for an hour, merely enjoying each other's company.

"If you don't mind my asking Reid, what was with the creepy kid before the game?"

"Just a student, he's uh, he's had a difficult life. Doesn't like talking to the school counselors so he talks to me; he told me once we were kindred. I have yet to find this link he presumes exists though."

Rossi's brow rose.

"Just keep an eye on him, more than usual."

I could only nod.


	21. 021

_Just keep an eye on him…_

I've finally come to terms with the fact that I will never have an ordinary life. I'm only over two decades late in realizing this.

I curled my toes into the arm of my couch; it was Sunday evening, the last night till tomorrow morning. I glanced at my phone; it was still on the floor where I had tossed it after receiving the notification from campus that my first appointment was a Mrs. Morgan: _in regards to her daughter's academic performance._ Des was one of my top students.

I groaned into the pillow I had placed over my face; a student who could apparently put two and two together and realize that Derek Morgan and I had a history, and now Derek Morgan's _mother_ was coming to see me on the pretense of her daughter. I groaned again and closed my eyes.

I jerked awake, tumbling off my couch—great. I rushed through my apartment to get to my annoying alarm. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath; I would make it through this Monday. I will.

I made sure I had a full cup of coffee before I headed out the door. I stared at it the entire journey to work; I'd need it to make it through my meeting with Mrs. Morgan.

I stared up at the office building, bracing myself for not only Fran's arrival, but I knew that Ashley would already be there. She always arrived early—I'd have to sort her out soon. With a deep breath I moved forward.

"Good morning Dr. Re—"

"Spencer and I will not be disturbed, understood young lady? Good."

I didn't even glance at either woman, simply allowed Fran Morgan to follow me into my office. I placed my messenger bag down where I always sit it and then sat down at my desk and finally took a sip of my coffee.

"Good morning Mrs. Morgan."

I allowed myself to look at her and she was merely staring at me. She took a seat and crossed her legs.

"Don't you _Mrs. Morgan_ me Spencer Reid. You and I are overdue for a conversation."

She motioned for me to sit next to her; I could only obey.

"I'm going to say this, and I'm only going to say it once, understood?"

I nodded.

"I need to apologize for not coming sooner. It took Des applying and being accepted that I realized just _how_ you and my son met. I never thought anything of your age difference, there wasn't much of one to begin with, but when we, Des and I, were going through the list of faculty, imagine my surprise when I see my son's boyfriend's photo.

"We read through the small blurb of information they give and again, my shock at realizing you were a professor—had been for some time. I never took yours and Derek's 'he's at the college' as more than you were a student. I couldn't fault either of you, you hadn't lied to me, but you weren't completely honest with me either."

She folded her hands together on her lap and looked at me.

"That _monster_ destroyed a part of my baby and believe me—no, no, this is not the place—that man caused so much _hurt_ within my son, and when I noticed that the spark that had been missing, that it was back, that _you_ had brought him back to life…I couldn't be shocked, surprised or even taken back that it was another young man that made my Derek so alive again, so _happy_. I didn't care. I'd been through enough tormenting when I dated their father—interracial couples will always have a second glance tossed their way. I love him regardless of who he falls in love with."

She took a deep breath and reached out for my hand.

"Then you gave him up."

Her grip tightened just enough to let me know that I shouldn't pull away.

"That night, I knew what you had done. I knew you were every bit in love with him that he was with you. You let him go. He didn't understand; I don't think he does, yet."

She looked at me and smiled.

"Spencer, I haven't seen him in the past three years, the only exceptions being the week he came home for Christmases, even then his sisters demanded our time. After the game Friday night, Des took her sisters out to celebrate her school's win; I had my baby to myself for the first time in years.

"He told me what happened the night before he left for school…I knew he wanted to see you once more. He was so meticulous in sneaking out that night I couldn't fault him; I stood in the darkness of our kitchen, not hiding, I had needed a drink of water, but I heard him. If I had been asleep he'd have succeeded like he thought he did. He didn't even put his shoes on till after he shut the front door behind him."

She finally let go of my hand, clasping her own back together. My chest felt tight and that slow building sting behind my eyes was starting to get to me.

"He told me he didn't fully sleep with someone till he was away at college, even then not till last year. Some binge fling, a floozy one of his teammates had thrown at him; he was drunk and barely remembers it.

"I'm certain you're wondering why I came here and why I'm telling you all of this; I apologize, I am sorry if I made you anxious in any way, but until you're a parent Spencer, you won't understand. I wanted to hate you for hurting him, and I tried, I tried so hard to…then I felt so guilty once I realized you were only protecting him. He only mentioned in his first letter that you had broken up with him and asked that as a family we leave you alone. That was such a hard thing for me to do.

"He told me a lot of things the other night, a lot I didn't even know. He opened up about quite a few things in his life I hadn't known; it hurt. I like to think I know my children rather well.

"I know I shouldn't have done this first thing in the morning, let alone a Monday of all days, but Derek's promised to come home for the summer; three years is a long time to be apart from someone you love Spencer Reid."


	22. 022

She leveled me with a piercing stare—I knew what she wanted. The one thing I never gave Derek; my reason.

"Don't go making assumptions in that massive brain of yours young man. I may not be as intelligent as you, but I am older and I have _lived_ my life. I have _loved_ more than you have. I _know_ that logical path that resided in your intellect; let him go, you would be holding him back. He deserves the college experience, the freedom to do whatever he likes, not tied to someone back home.

"If you can admit that I am wrong, that we both presumed here, then I will not invite you to dinner the Sunday after Derek returns home. _But_ , and I mean this Spencer, if you let him go even for the slightest inkling of what I mentioned, answer me this one question—did you go on even one date these past three years?"

My silence was her confirmation. My bottom lip was now sore from the worrying I was doing between my teeth. I let my gaze fall to the carpet—dull brown—and attempted to regain a semblance of normalcy in my breathing. Calming my racing heart was something I knew I could not do at this time.

"That's what I thought. Now, I became quite fond of you Dr. Reid and your silence is significant. It tells me that _you_ _hurt too_. That you still love my son, what degree that is, that's only something the two of you can decide. Will you tell him why?"

My eyes snapped to hers; I was struck by the sincere desire for me to utter in the affirmative or even just nod. I couldn't do either. I felt the corners of my mouth droop, the stinging of my eyes finally gave way and the tears blurred her figure.

"He deserves to know."

A choked sob erupted from my mouth, guttural in sound; I never permitted myself to process my terminating our relationship. I could feel the past three years of pent up sorrow, guilt, and loneliness—it was all surfacing—it was suffocating.

"I, I…I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She pulled me into her arms and pressed a tender kiss to my forehead.

"Let it out, lord knows you haven't done even that for yourself these past few years."

So I did.

We must've sat there for minutes, hours, days even, I didn't know, but she let me get it out. I said I was sorry twenty-six times. Each time she nodded and said it was okay.

I finally felt composed enough to pull away; now I felt embarrassed. She smiled and tucked a stray bang behind my ear.

"Now, you have the rest of this semester to make up your mind, but the invitation to that Sunday dinner still stands, understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

She grinned.

"It's not my place to say what I overheard, but I will tell you I heard Des and Derek talking. He asks about you, how you're doing, what you're doing, if you're dating. When I told him he could get off his high horse and go see you, well I imagine I embarrassed him pretty good. You're both stubborn as mules, but I love you both. I won't pretend this will turn out for the best; I can't and won't put that kind of pressure on either of you."

I could only nod. She gently patted my cheek and got to her feet, only speaking once she reached the door.

"I'll tell that girl out here to leave you be until your first lecture. You take care of yourself you hear me Spencer Reid?"

I gave her a watery smile and nodded once more.

"Good."

Then she was gone.

* * *


	23. 023

I know I sat in the same position for the remaining hour and twenty-six minutes I had till my first lecture, however, it didn't feel like I sat there that long, or that I could keep track of time. I was deep in thought; my phone rang three times and I was unaware at the moment each call came through. I wasn't seeing the room around me; I was back to the last night I spent with Derek three years ago.

"… _omate and all that. He seems like a nice kid. Hey, do you think, um, do you think you'd come visit me?"_

I could make out my body curled into his side as we watched late night television, just pleased to be in each other's company. He was in sleep-wear, sweats and a tee; I wasn't that far off—I had actual pajama bottoms and one of his old t-shirts. His left arm was curled around me, the hand resting on my hip, the thumb idly drawing circles causing my shirt to rise and fall with each motion. My head was lying just above his heart; it's slow, soft, steady beat lulled me into a state of comfort I never thought possible.

" _Visit you?"_

" _Well, yeah, I mean, I know you've got classes and all, but I don't, I could not come home for spring break. I've already checked, the dates add up."_

I remember pulling back and looking up at him—he looked so eager for me to agree. I recall wanting nothing more than to say yes.

" _Well, I…I mean, I_ want _to, but I just…"_

" _What'd I tell you about making decisions for me? I don't want to fight you Spencer, not my last night here, with you."_

_He pressed forward, attaching his mouth to mine in the familiar dance of lips; his left hand trailing up my back, resting at the nape of my neck, holding me in place. My fingers grasped his shirt, bunching it together in my enclosed fist._

_He maneuvered me so I was straddling his lap, his right arm curling around my lower back, pulling me close so our chests brushed with each breath in and out. Each arch of my back just to get that much closer to him as he devoured my mouth in the most gentlest of passions; my hands having unfisted his shirt, choosing to instead roam over the jumping muscles beneath. The friction building up to near painful; we weren't even saying names, just making the softest gasps, whimpers and moans that seemed to echo as if my apartment were a canyon._

I shook my head; I had to let it go. I let him go. I'll attend that Sunday dinner in three months once both our semesters are through. I'll talk to him, tell him how even _I_ am capable of doing something stupid. Right now I had a lecture to prepare for.

I stepped out of my office, internally cringing at Ashley's over enthusiastic greeting.

"Ms. Seaver, do you have plans for lunch?"

She froze—if one knew what to look for.

"No, sir."

"Have lunch with me in my office, I need to discuss a few things with you."

I could tell she was fighting a smile and a blush.

"Sure thing Dr. Reid. Enjoy your classes and I will see you later."

I nodded my dismissal and headed out of the office. I wanted to hit my head on a wall; today was most definitely a Monday.

My classes ran rather smoothly until my eleven o'clock course; I had both Des and Tobias. She was one of the few students around campus who was actually nice to Hankel—how could I have forgotten they tend to sit together, in the front row. She arrived first; she's usually one of the first students in.

"Hello Dr. Reid, how are you today? I heard Momma came by to see you."

"Yes, she uh, apologized for not coming in sooner."

She sat her bag down and approached my podium.

"She talked to you about Derek didn't she?"

I tensed.

"I told her not to you know; told her that you two were young, dumb and in love. Everyone goes through their first love. It's life, it happens, it ends, you move on. Well, I mean that's how it usually goes right?"

I withheld the sight that was desperate for an escape.

"Usually."

She grinned.

"Did Momma tell you he asks about you? I swear he's worse than when I was in middle school!"

I nodded—what else could I do? She and I had just implied that neither Derek nor I were over what occurred between us. Three years, while it is a relative lengthy period of time for love to fester, consume, destroy and expand, life still goes on. Things happen, people change; she tilted her head to the side, that ever generic questioning gaze and head-tilt.

"He also gave me something to give to you, he said I'd know the right moment to give it to you; I think this is it."

She didn't let me respond, she turned and went back to her bag and dug through it and pulled out an old, slightly yellowed envelope. She walked back to me and held it out; that scrawl was so familiar and it made me ache.

"If you don't take it I'll shove it in one of your pockets and you know I have no qualms about personal boundaries."

I blushed and quickly took the envelope from her.

"He said he wrote it the first night he was away at school; you dumped him the night before didn't you? That's what this has all been about, you breaking his young, naïve heart? You're both idiots, I hope you know that."

I glanced to the floor, ignoring the students slowly trickling in through the door. I was grateful she wasn't being loud enough for our conversation to carry across the room.

"Sorry Spencer."

She walked away and I let my thoughts turn to the envelope in my hand. It was at least two pages long; Des' greeting to Tobias broke through. I glanced up at them and noted his gaze harden when ours met. With a deep breath and a squaring of my shoulders I dove into welcoming my class.

I managed my last lecture before lunch—lunch with Ms. Seaver. I began packing up my satchel and realized I wasn't alone—it was Tobias.

"What can I do for you Mr. Hankel?"

He shouldered his backpack and stepped closer.

"I, I, I wanted to apologize for, for my outburst in your office a while b-b-back. While I do not like liars, I, I realized you would've only done so out of a sense of self-preservation. I, I…my, my f-f-father p-passed away this…over the weekend…he, he was strict."

"I'm sorry Tobias, do you need time of—"

"NO! I, no. I've already told the funeral director I wasn't, I wasn't attending."

I watched him as he shuffled from foot to foot; nervous and an emotional wreck.

"I um, I told Des, she uh, her mother invited me over to dinner tonight. She's waiting. I, I'll let you know if I do need time off though. I, I _am_ sorry Dr. Reid."

I nodded and watched as he shuffled quickly out of the classroom. I shouldered my own bag—I couldn't process what just happened, I had to prepare myself to letting Ms. Seaver know her attention was inappropriate. And I had a letter to read from Derek.


	24. 024

Half-way back to my office I realized I didn't pack a lunch and the cafeteria was clear across campus; perhaps I could now get out of lunch. No, she was a stubborn, determined female with affections.

I entered my office to see her seated at her desk and she smiled.

"Afternoon Dr. Reid, I hope you don't mind but I realized this morning you didn't have lunch and that you'd have to go all the way across campus to get some, so I took it upon myself to get lunch for you."

I stared at the trays stacked on her desk. With a sigh I nodded and gestured towards my office. She would follow.

I sat myself at my desk, leaving the only options available to her the chair across from me, or the couch. She placed both trays on the desk and placed herself across from me.

I remained silent; silence wasn't her forte, she'd be talking in a matter of seconds.

"How were your classes this morning Dr. Reid?"

Thirty seconds, I think that's a record for her. I took a bite of my potatoes just to prolong answering her.

"They were fine."

Another bite, this time chewing slower; I'm not rude by nature, I just don't particularly understand why she finds me so fascinating. Let alone tactfully tell her that her advances are unwanted.

"Ms. Morgan, your student, stopped by, said she wanted to give you something. I offered to hold it until you returned, but she was adamant she deliver it in person."

"Yes, she delivered it to me before class. Any other messages or visitors I should be made known of?"

She seemed slightly hesitant before nodding in confirmation.

"A Mr. Morgan called…I, I wasn't aware Des had a father. I recall Mrs. Morgan saying she'd been a single mom. He didn't leave a messages or a number. Oddly enough he called just before you returned, mere seconds before you came through the door actually. I told him you had a lunch date and could call you back after your afternoon classes. Sorry, I'm rambling again."

I froze—Derek had called my office. He had attempted to call me. Des probably told him she had delivered the letter—which I still have yet to read.

"Ms. Seaver, Ashley, I, I need to be completely honest with you. I do not mind you being my assistant; however, all I can be to you is your employer. I'm a, I'm, I'm a taken man and do not appreciate your advances."

My knuckles were white from grasping the armrests of my chair; her face flushed a bright pink turned red. She nodded, requested the rest of the afternoon off and left my office.

Our lunches were forgotten once I reached into my satchel and pulled out the worn envelope and started to read the old words written there.

_Spencer:_

_I hate you. Well I think I could. I'm more angry at myself for not hating you right now. You don't get to tell me I have to experience college like everyone else. You don't! Other people go off to college leaving a significant other behind, or even at other campuses. Why can't I do that? Huh? I wouldn't have jumped in the sack, you of all people know that much about me._

_I think I get it. Maybe. Or maybe I don't. I'd like to think you're just scared and love me too much that you're doing the damned girly thing and letting me go. I'm not going anywhere. I thought I made that clear to you._

_I want to yell at you and call you an idiot. You are capable of being stupid sometimes._

_When those words came out of your mouth, jeez Spencer, I wanted to grab you and shake you till you took them back. Then I realized I'd have hurt you if I did that. Part of me, a very small part, wishes I had._

He knew. He's known all along why I ended things. There's more, it's more recent than the beginning to fade ink I just read. I ran my fingers over the old, faded crinkles—I wonder how many times he balled it up?

_Spence, it's been a while since I looked at this thing. A year in fact. A lot has changed in that year._

_I'm glad I never gave you the beginning of this letter, or finished it that night. I still think you're an idiot for just dropping off the face of my world like you did. You have no idea how much damage you caused me my first semester. Now, now I know I can't put that blame on you, no matter how badly I did then. I am sorry for that. I cursed your name so bad; I swear one time I thought Momma was going to barge through the door and wash my mouth out with soap._

_She asked about you all the time, up till I finally wrote home and told her you had dumped me. I begged her not to be mad at you; you didn't hurt me, not, not like she thought. She apologized for continuously asking after you. She was doing the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do, no matter how harshly the words were on the tip of my tongue, lashing to get out, I could never physically bring myself to ask her about you. I think she knew it too._

_I feel like I have so much more to say to you, but the only thing I actually want to say to you is that I don't think I've stopped loving you. I also don't know how to answer people when they ask if I'm single. They usually figure it out and tell me, "I bet she's nice, the girl you're longing for back home." I can only smile and nod when they say that; how am I supposed to tell them about you? That the one person to help me put myself back together is also the one person who destroyed me?_

_I'm getting angry again, well not angry, upset. I'm getting upset again. That means I still care right? At least that's what Penny said when I talked to her the other night. Get this, she has a thing for my roommate. His name's Kevin, the nice kid I told you about. He's like the male version of her; they're great together, bonded over some hacking game. I had to sit through this whole 'you're better' 'no you're better' banter for twenty minutes before I told both of them I win and unplugged the internet. I should've known the tech geeks they are they had wireless internet connections as well and could do things with a computer I'll never comprehend._

_I got an 'A+' on a paper for my lit class. We were discussing the tragic love stories of Romeo and Juliet and comparing to that of Tristan and Isolde. My professor told me I had a knack for romance, the figurative and literal within the stories. I just told him that I knew how all of them felt._

_Emily and Penny are coming here for their spring breaks. Penny and Kevin get to meet face to face instead of just face-time on their computers. I also think they have something planned for me. They both talk about me, about us, about how I'm apparently still not coping with my wounded heart. Their words, not mine._

_See, it's things like that, telling you about silly things—I shouldn't want to still do that. I'm barely 19 Spencer and I feel like I would be happy to turn around and see your face whenever I accomplish something great, or just something I want to share with another human being. I shouldn't already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I do. I do. Every time something good or bad happens I just want you to be there with a smile, a hug, a kiss—just all of your unyielding support you've always given._

_I still want to hate you a little._

I wiped the smile off my face; the one that crept up slowly as I read over the non-surprising geek love of Garcia. Or that she and Ms. Prentiss are still friends and both still fond of caring about Derek and his wellbeing. Mostly for the way he wants me to be the one he shares his life with.

There was one more folded sheet of paper. It was brighter than the first few sheets—newer. I reverently placed the others on my desk and shakily unfolded his most recent written words.

_Pretty Boy:_

_Going on three years is a long time to carry a torch for someone, especially since we haven't kept in contact with each other; that's a two way street that neither of us were willing to venture down. I've decided to give you these letters, I can't tell you why, but I think it's time I let them go._

_I sat up last night with Momma and I told her everything. I told her of all the stupid mistakes I made so far—the biggest is letting you let me go. I told her all that happened when I was younger. I don't think I've ever laughed or cried that much in my entire life. I know I've never let her hug me and hold me like she did either._

_I almost faked an injury just so I wouldn't have to play against your school. Almost. Then I realized I'd have missed out on seeing you, even if just from afar. I liked your bowtie. It was very you. I also saw how Ethan and Jack Hotchner wore matching jerseys, and how Henry wouldn't leave your side, not even for Ms. JJ._

_Do you think that this summer, that we could get to know each other again? I've asked about you a lot. I think Momma and Des now answer any of my phone calls with something about you, just to get it out of the way._

_I have this overwhelming sense of guilt too. I know I shouldn't, we've been broken up for ages now, but when I woke up the morning after my teammates and I got so drunk and I didn't even know who the female next to me was, I rushed out of the bed and since I didn't know where I was, I couldn't find a bathroom so I threw up in a trashcan. Not because of the alcohol but because I had done the one thing I never got to do with you with someone else. Is it horrible I'm glad I don't remember details of what happened?_

_I left her and my mess, wherever there, was; once I was back in my dorm, Kevin asked me what was wrong and I finally broke down. I let it out, all of it. Everything I had been holding in since I left. At one point he had video-called Penny and somehow tied in Emily and the three of them just let me get it out. The girls kept telling Kevin he should pat my shoulder, rub my back or wipe my tears. I think when I finally pulled him in for a hug—you know, one of those hugs that you just need from a friend, not a family member that just makes it seem like it'll be okay?—well it was one of those, and I think I scared Kevin with the abrupt movement. He relaxed and Penny screen captured the image._

_Please tell me that you're happy, that you've at least gone on dates with other people. I mean, I don't want to know, but I have to. I also want to know that you weren't dealing with this on your own._

_Momma's going to ask you to dinner the first Sunday I'm back. I can't tell you how pathetic I feel for hoping that you'll say yes. I can't tell you what I'll do when we're finally face to face again, but I know I shouldn't have missed out on seeing you when I was there for the game. I kick myself for that._

_I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing that to date, all of my regrets involve you. I also hope that since I know how that feels, that you have no regrets. You loved me enough to let me go so I could grow and come back on my own. I just hope my coming back isn't coming back too late._

_Very sincerely yours,_

_Derek_

_PS: I bet you thought I didn't pay attention to your favorite story series didn't you? I also probably shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help myself. I never could when it came to you. I was helpless the first day you walked through the doors of the coffee shop._


	25. 025

"So let me get this right, he wrote you letters he never sent, admits that he still loves you, _wants_ you at this dinner that now he _and_ his mother have invited you to, and you're not sure how you feel about all of it?"

I kept my gaze locked on the playing forms of Jack and Henry. I could feel Ethan's stare on the side of my face. If it could cause harm I'd have lacerations, I'm certain of it.

"Spencer, you don't have to jump back into a relationship. You were both kids back then and you've both done some growing up since then too. Who knows if you're still compatible in a relationship, remember how we joked for like three months that Aaron was my exception? Now look at us, I ate my words a year later when he asked me out. You can't tell a man like Aaron Hotchner _no_ , but we're here to talk about you, not me.

"You can always decline the invitation you know. You don't have to go. He'll be home the entire summer, you don't have classes over the summer; you could go visit your Ma, or take a vacation."

I finally looked at him and smiled.

"He finally asked you to move in officially didn't he? You told him no."

He actually blushed.

"Like I said Spencer, we're here to talk about you, not me. However, for inquiring minds, I did tell him I would _think_ about it."

"What's to think about? The man dotes on you, and Jack adores you. You've been dating for two years; why not take the next step?"

"Call me old fashioned."

I grinned.

"You want him to make an honest housewife out of you? Put a shiny ring on that finger?"

He shoved me with his shoulder—the blush didn't go away.

"You could always ask him. Rumor has it the only two people on the face of the earth he _can't_ say no to are here at the park with me."

"I think I miss your days of woe and mope. You weren't so snarky or playful with your banter. I've missed it, don't get me wrong, I just don't like being on the receiving end of it."

"Eat your heart out."

We laughed.

"'Pence! Dack and me wan' ice-cweam, pwease."

I turned my attentions to the ball of energy that attached itself to my legs, his shaggy hair a mess from his child adventures.

"Ice-cream huh, where do you suppose we can get some of that?"

"We saw a man with a cart! He's over there!"

I followed the line of Jack's arm and across the park was a man handing out ice-cream to other children standing around his cart.

Ethan and I shared a mock look of concentration while Jack and Henry both used their arsenal of "puppy dog eyes" and pleas of please—or 'pwease' in Henry's case. We nodded our consent and climbed to our feet.

"You're holding our hands while we walk across the park guys, or no ice-cream."

They quickly attached their hands to ours as we made our way over to the ice-cream cart.

-x-

"Daddy, 'Pence an' Dack an' Efan an' me got ice-cweam at da park today! An' me an' Dack played soccer an' climbed on a big fing, an' Efan would catched us if we falled!"

"Oh, is that so? Did you fall a lot?"

Will asked as he tickled Henry's stomach, to which Henry responded with a loud peal of giggles.

"I thought I heard my little monster!"

"Mommy!"

We all turned to smile at JJ who did nothing in rescuing Henry from Will's tickles.

"I heard you had a great day with Uncle Spence today. I got everything set up for you and Daddy to get dinner started, you two go wash up okay?"

Will walked off with the still laughing and squirming Henry in his arms.

"Are you going to stay for dinner? Will is making dinner, it's ribs and something else I can't master. Not that I'd want to, it'd never taste as good as his."

She wasn't really asking—it was more or less the polite way of telling me that Ethan had let her know I was freaking out internally about this and now she needed to give me her opinion. I could only nod. She led us into the sitting room on the opposite end of the house from the kitchen—we could still hear the occasional laugh from Will and Henry along with the clangs of pots and pans.

"You know I don't like it when you two do that."

She threw a pillow at me.

"We can't help it! We care and we just want to make sure you're alright. We swap stories because we love you and want to make sure you're not going to do something stupid."

"I haven't done something stupid yet, what makes either of you think I will now?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"No, don't answer that. You know about the letters and the invite to dinner, am I wrong in freaking out about it? I mean, three years is a long time and I feel like he's moved on and I haven't. He's even gone out, I haven't, not once!

"I mean, I never gave it a second thought. I was the older adult dating a minor; I did the right thing in ending the relationship. I let him go to live his life. Why should he be able to come back in it and mess it up? I care, I presume I always will."

I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Do you think that going out with another person will fix anything? It'll change whatever it is that has you all frazzled? I'm not saying do it, but I'm not saying don't either Spence. Another person could just add to the confusion, or they could push the answers you're looking for to the surface. This really is something that you're going to have use that big ol' brain of yours to figure out on your own. We can't help you with this one."

I sighed and she moved her hand to ruffle my hair.

"How was lunch with the boys today? Aaron told Dave and I that he finally grew a pair and asked Ethan to officially move in but I'm gathering it didn't go well."

I smiled; I loved when she diverted the conversational topic right when I needed it.

"He told him he'd think about it."

She grinned and fell back on the couch and started chuckling to herself.

"So in Ethan language that means he wants to become a housewife, shiny ring and everything. Has he told Aaron he'll have to go down on one knee? Or is that something we should do as their friends? Help the poor happily delusional fools out."

I shrugged.

"Isn't there something about interference like this? A rule about people getting involved in other peoples relationships? However, that is more or less the same thing I said to him at the park today. Lunch was fun. I forgot how delightful such a simple thing as a picnic could be and the boys did enjoy themselves."

"Good! Glad to hear the children all enjoyed themselves today, now back to grown-up conversation, your ignorance is not going to work here Spence, don't even attempt to play that card. I'm sorry, and I love you, you know that, but we can't tell you what to do here."

-x-

_3 months…_

"…and that's that. I've enjoyed you all this semester. I wish you the best over the summer and whatever comes in the fall."

I started gathering my books, listening as my students did the same and then I heard applause. I stopped and looked up and they were standing and clapping for me. I smiled—I couldn't help it. I don't quite forget this tradition of applauding professors at the end of semesters, I just never expect it. Some classes of mine do it and some don't.

I allowed a few to come up and give me their own well wishes and even a few gifts. I was very flattered. The last was Des Morgan.

"Saved myself for last, you know what the say, the best is always last. You glad it's over Spencer?"

I put the last of my things in my satchel and sat down in my chair, only to copy her movements.

"Oddly yes, I have just a week to get my grades completed—"

"Knowing you they're probably already practically done though."

I felt myself blush.

"I can withhold yours till the deadline if you'd like."

"Oh you wouldn't dare!"

She was smiling.

"Of course not, that means my vacation would be delayed three days. I haven't been on a vacation, well ever, so I can't have that. Grades will be posted by Friday."

Her smile faltered only a little.

"You're not coming to dinner then?"

I fiddled with my bag on the table and leveled her with a look—I'm not sure what it conveyed though.

"Des, I already told your Mother I appreciated the offer, but I can't accept. Not right now. What Derek and I had three years ago, that was three years ago, and I hurt him pretty bad. He's moved on and I've let go."

"So that's it, you're just going to wash your hands of him and the rest of us? Like it didn't matter?"

I was flabbergasted. Momentarily stunned speechless—I honestly had no idea how to answer her. It's not that I wanted to wash my hands of Derek or his family; I actually liked—like—his family.

"Des, it, it's not like that. Please."

She nodded.

"I'm sorry. It's just we all thought, and rather hoped, that with him finally taking his head out of his ass, the two of you could at least be friends again. You and I couldn't exactly flaunt that we knew each other outside of class; it would raise brows and ruin my reputation. No offence Spencer, you're a pretty man, but you're kind of geeky. I know geeks are on the rise for arm candy, but not this lady's! Can I ask where you're going on this first vacation of yours? Going with anyone?"

"I uh, I'm going home actually. I guess it's not much of a vacation, but the move here was the first time I actually went anywhere and I should visit my mother if given the time off, and Ethan threatened me with drugs if I didn't take an actual vacation soon. Then he sent JJ on my case and even Aaron said a few words to me about things, so one night two months ago I booked a flight home for the first time in years."

She was staring at me, almost as if weighing my words, making sure I was telling her the truth.

"JJ, Ethan and Aaron, are any of them a special someone to you? Are they going home with you?"

I shook my head.

"JJ has the tendency to mother hen me, actually so does Aaron, but in a weird kind of distant way. Ethan, he and I have been best friends since we were kids. He moved out here with me as my moral support, which the first year I was here meant that I wasn't alone in a new state and city. He's the brother I never got to have. He and Aaron are on their honeymoon actually. Aaron's son from his first marriage is staying with JJ and her husband Will, and their son Henry who's my godson. This is where I ask about your summer to divert the topic from me to you correct?"

She laughed.

"Don't you ever change Spencer Reid, you hear me?"

"I get that a lot."

We smiled at each other.

"I actually invited Tobias over for dinner on Sunday. Mama took to him like she took to you. I swear she knows when you white boys are crazy and need some fixing up. It's her sixth sense, I swear it. He is sorry for that day in class."

I nodded.

"It was a psychotic break, I understand. I'm glad he's found a new support system and a pseudo family."

"One that shows him what a family's supposed to be like, well at least relatively. No one's normal and normal's a bit overrated in the first place. We're taking Derek up to New York City for a few days at some point. He said his friends went all the time via the trains near campus but he never had the desire to. Other than that, I plan to do nothing, except for what Mama asks 'cause dear lord, you best be on your feet the moment she asks you to do something or else, and believe me Spencer, you do not want to know what that or else entails. I speak from experience!"

She glanced up at the clock on the wall and sighed.

"I suppose I can stop taking up your time. One more question, did I pass?"

I could only smile.

"You'll have to wait for Friday Des, no special treatment. Have a good summer and tell you mother I said hello."

She stood and gathered her things.

"You're an evil teacher, I give you that, pure evil! What's a girl got to do to get a leg up around here? That's a joke just so you know."

"I have been picking up on your antics; you've been my student _all_ semester and I did date your brother. Social cues take me a while, but I finally catch on. Be safe on your way home and I'll see you around next semester."

"Alright, alright, I know when I'm not wanted anymore. I hope going home is good for you. Be safe as well."

She threw a wave over her shoulder and headed up the stairs and out of the door.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, a text.

**Feel special Spencer Reid, I am taking a "hiatus" just for u. See u when u land on Friday! There may or may not be cameras, and they may or may not be mine. If ur big ol' brain can't figure that out, there may be professional creepers lurking after me, so if that's the case, hello (pretend) boyfriend whom I haven't seen in ages. Ur welcome! I could not have warned u. ;) xo –L**


	26. 026

"You should know the girlfriend is kind of not happy she's getting sidelined for you these next few days. Besides, you don't just come to Vegas for any old reason Spencer Reid, spill mister. I want all the details of this life of yours you're not telling me."

"Tell her she's welcome for the magic tricks that lured you in in the first place. If it weren't for me attempting to flirt with her she wouldn't have known how to ask for your number."

"Oh yes, shall I kiss your feet while I'm at it? Your ass too?"

I lifted my foot towards her face and she shoved my leg, disturbing the bowl of popcorn on my lap. I threw a handful at her face. We looked at each other, grinned and started laughing.

"You're still capable of being such a boy. Man I'm so glad that ship sailed, say, speaking of ships, how's Etharon doing? Jack going to be a ring bearer anytime soon? Or do we have to implement Henry's irresistible puppy eyes on him?"

Etharon? What is that? Oh, Ethan and Aaron.

"Ethan's afraid I think. He keeps hinting, but then he deflects back to my abysmal life, but he and Aaron are on their honeymoon as we speak. Well I believe they head back home tomorrow."

"Great, you're both the worst conversationalists ever. He never knows how to talk to me when I call. Even Austin has a hard time getting intel out of him. He couldn't even tell her, hey, I got married to the man of my dreams? Speaking of your abysmal life, why are you avoiding the one true love of your life and sitting out here on the other side of the country with me when _both_ of us could be having the most fantastic gay sex of our lives? You so owe me Spencer Reid. You owe me big time."

I blushed. I always did. She knew it too.

"Aww, I love it when you go all pink. Still, you have to spill; I need to know why I got that code word for 9-1-1 text and then your flight details and then a surprise ticket home. I had to call JJ to make sure this trip was legit and you weren't pulling a prank on me like you did after I got my third modeling gig. I still hate you a little for that."

I picked at the popcorn and let out a sigh. I did ask her to come here so we could talk, or rather I could talk and she could listen.

"He sent me letters and within them I found out he finally slept with someone, someone not me, a, a girl that his dorm friends hooked him up with. He's even been on dates with other people and I haven't even been on a date, a single date since him. He said that _three years is a long time to carry a torch for someone_ , and _I shouldn't already know who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I do. I do._

"I mean, why can't I move on or let go? He has. He told me so. Then he says those two things and then his mom, sister and he, invite me to their family dinner his first Sunday back from college. He hasn't been home for a summer in three years. That was my doing. I did that to him.

"His mom came by and saw me, you remember, I told you about that. Well earlier this week his sister, the one from my class, she stayed after our last lecture and we talked. She thought my coming out here was me washing my hands of him and his family."

I felt her hand take one of mine and play with my fingers, a tick of hers that she's always done when we talked.

"Spencer, when you go home, you're going to at least text that man, meet him for coffee, and you both see where you stand with each other. Despite not talking, you two have let your feelings for each other remain, sure that could lead to disaster, but _the course of true love never did run smooth_."

"Since when did you know Shakespeare?"

She playfully hit me.

"Since I'm dating a closet nerd and one of my best friends is the biggest geek I know."

"Oh shut up!"

"You love me!"

-x-

**Made it back. A says hi and she's :( she didn't get 2 c u. DO NOT 4GET 2 TXT D! <3 –L**

_**I swear, since you've had a cell phone your spelling has gotten worse. Tell "A" I said hello and I too am ":(" I didn't get "2 c" her. Okay, I really can't text like that, it's appalling. I'll forward you what I send him and any reply I get, okay?** _

**I cnt blv u dnt knw hw 2 txt cht.**

_**Was that even English?** _

**LOL! Yes. Sorry oh gargantuan brain, it said: "I can't believe you don't know how to text chat."**

**PS: I will hold you to that! If you do meet up I want a photo as proof! ;)**

I slid my phone back in my pocket, not even dignifying that with a reply. I walked around the corner of the airport and noticed families and friends of the other passengers and then I heard a small voice—"'Pence!" That sounded just like Henry.

"'Pence! You back! I misseded you!"

I felt a small body collide with my legs and I glanced down and saw the tell tale sign of Henry's blonde hair. I grinned and lifted him up, hugging him as he squeezed my neck in a reciprocation hug.

Another body collided with my legs and I felt short arms wrap around my waist and a face bury itself in my stomach—Jack.

"Hey guys, I missed you too."

"We have a surprise for you! Come on!"

Jack let go of me only to latch onto my hand; Henry refused to be put down. I let Jack drag me through the airport back the way he came, or I suppose the way he came. He was walking as if he knew where we were going though.

"Mommy says you be nice."

I looked at Henry and furrowed my brow.

"I'm always nice Henry."

He made his angry face.

"No you not. Mommy says you be nice or, Dack I forgot!"

"Miss JJ said to be nice or we'll leave you here."

I was confused. Then Jack let go of my hand and bolted away from me and I glanced ahead and didn't see JJ, Will, Ethan or Aaron. Not even Dave. Then Henry's arm raised and his finger pointed a little off to the side.

"'Pence, Dack's wight there, wif Dewek."

I froze. I allowed my gaze to follow Henry's finger and sure enough there was Jack hugging Derek's legs.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and made my way over to them.

"Hey Little Man, I see you found him."

I'm so glad I was standing still; I think I would've stumbled if I were still walking. I could've dropped Henry. His voice got a tiny bit deeper, he sounds older. He filled out even more since the last time I saw him—I can't count the time in his sports uniform, too much padding and protective gear.

"Course I found 'im! He's my 'Pence, Dewek!"

Derek smiled down at Henry—by default me—and it was beautiful. I'm so glad I'm able to see it again, especially up close. I am such a girl right now. My heart is racing, I'm pretty sure my palms are starting to sweat or at the very least get clammy. I know I'm breathing, it's a natural occurrence, but it feels like my breaths are caught in my throat and I don't even know if I can utter a word.

"Hi Spencer, glad to see you made it back okay. The boys sure did miss you. JJ and Aaron took their husbands out and asked if I'd babysit, they apparently forgot that you were coming home tonight and would need a ride, the guys wanted to see you so they asked if we could pick you up together."

I could only nod—rather dumbly mind you. I knew what he was saying; JJ was in cohorts with Ethan to get Derek and I together, or rather alone, but they thought better not knowing how that would actually go down and gave us the boys as a buffer. Sometimes I hate being so smart. I really, really, really, really do.

"'Pence, can we get ice-cweam? We was good for Dewek!"

"Yeah, we were, I promise! Weren't we good for you Derek?"

He chuckles as the boys are grinning at me.

"They _were_ on their best behavior, I could go for some ice-cream, unless you're tired and want to head home."

I shook my head. That was nice of him to offer me an out.

"N-no, uh, ice-cream sounds, it sounds good."

The boys cheered and I allowed myself to smile at Derek, who smiled back.

"Come on short stack, let's go get Spencer's suitcase so we can all load in your dad's truck and get some ice-cream."

Jack latched onto Derek's hand and we started moving as a unit towards baggage claim. We fell in step with each other, not intentionally, it just happened. There was less than a foot of space between us but we weren't touching.

As we stood waiting for the luggage carousel to start unloading my flights luggage the woman who sat next to me approached.

"Hello again stranger. Is this your family? You guys have a beautiful family, those boys are adorable."

"We're jus—"

"They're special someones! Spencer is my uncle and Henry's godfather. Derek is my babysitter for tonight."

I did choke on my spit. I felt my eyes widen and my cheeks tinge directly to red. Jack will never grow out of spouting off at the mouth. Ever.

The signal blared, alerting us that the luggage belt would start moving soon.

"What he means is that Spencer and I are old friends. I've got the boys for the night while their parents are out for a date night and we thought we'd surprise Spencer here by picking him up."

She smiled, her eyes darting back and forth between Derek and I.

"Shame, you make a beautiful family portrait. Ah, lucky me, there's my bag, you gentleman take care."

I couldn't even blink, let alone move, or even form a coherent thought. I am loathe to admit that even after three years and hardly knowing the man beside me, he still has the ability to render me a complete idiot. Or perhaps it was being blindsided by a stranger's implication that he and I were a couple, that we still give off a couple's vibe—is that the right word? Or that we would even be partners, with children no less!

"Hey Pretty Boy, come back to earth so we can get your bag and get these boys some ice-cream."

"I don't _always_ leave the planet when my thoughts wander."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I sleep like a baby thank you very much."

"'Pence you not a baby! You a growed up!"

I turned my attention from Derek to Henry, who was giving me his patented for-a-grown-up-you-really-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about look.

"You're right Henry, I am a grown up, but I sleep like baby, which means that when I'm asleep I am really asleep. I don't wake up for much."

"You wake up weally fast if you have me an' Dack!"

I couldn't help but smile even wider at him. His small brow furrowed and he turned to look over at Jack, or possibly Derek, I couldn't tell through the side of his head. I glanced over at Jack and Derek, the latter was silently laughing. His body vibrating in a way that signals silent laughter; I am going to maim JJ and Ethan for this. They do have children after all.

"Henry, Spencer and Derek are just being silly!"

Thank you whatever deities exist for Jack's never-ending word vomit—just this once. It actually fits and doesn't embarrass anyone.

"Yeah Little Man, we're just being silly. You ready to get out of here and get some ice-cream?"

Both boys let out an over zealous yeah, which prompted others to glance at us, some smiled, some just stared, some whispered behind hands (rude!), and some didn't even take their eyes off the moving belt. Speaking of, I let my eyes wander over the suitcases and other various pieces of luggage that were moving by before I noticed mine, it was on the other side, slowly winding its way towards us.

"Let me guess, that's yours, the purple one with the bright yellow trim?"

I nodded. My cheeks flushed.

"It was all I could find on short notice!"

Derek shifted Jack's hand into mine, our own hands brushing as Jack's smaller slipped into mine; he grabbed my suitcase as it made its way to us. I could only stare at him. He just smiled and stared walking off. The tug of Jack following him brought me back to the moment, allowing my feet to follow on their own accord.

"'Pence?"

"Yes Henry?"

"Is what Dack said twue? Is Dewek your special someone like mommy an' daddy an' Efan an' Aaron?"

I was grateful his head was on my shoulder and he wasn't loud like Jack was with his questions—at least not all the time.

I felt my heart race at his question, my nerves lit up to every single ending, and I could only nod.

"But it's a secret okay, you can't tell anyone, not even Jack. Promise?"

He nodded and giggled into my neck. It was the only sense of relief I knew I was going to feel tonight.


	27. 027

**i suppose that counts, who took it? 1 of the kiddies?**

_**How would that NOT count? It has both he and I in the picture as were your requirements! Jack took the photo, hence the really bad angle and the heads missing, but come on, who else do you know wears mix-matched socks and (in your words) "god awful" sweater vests?** _

**Aw, Jack was getting abstract! We'll let it slide, yes I said "WE" & i mean it! A & me will let J's pic count. We're glad you got 2 c him again. TY for following orders! :) 3**

_**I deciphered all except for the "TY." What does that mean? I am not an errand boy, I do not follow orders. He was my ride as I explained earlier!** _

**Oh my poor genius, ty=thank you. I know what I'm getting you for Christmas. Good grief, I hate spelling things out, you're the ONLY person I have to do that with! Enjoy the ice-cream and seriously, remember what we talked about! Things will be alright! Now I'm making up for this weekend. I'll talk to you again when I can. I'm out of the country for a few weeks as of Tuesday. I have to make these next few days count! ;) (Yes that was a hint at something naughty you prude!)**

I smiled down at my phone and tucked it back into my pocket.

"Were they happy with my picture Spencer?"

I nodded over at Jack who grinned around his spoon of ice-cream.

"'Pence, you help me wif dis pwease."

I looked down at Henry—whose cone was melting down his hand, a few trails of his vanilla with sprinkles were slowly moving down his arm—JJ was going to murder us.

"I got it."

I glanced up at Derek who moved out of his seat and went back up to the counter; he came back with a bowl and a spoon that matched Jack's bright green one.

"Can we put your ice-cream in the bowl Henry? It'll be just like the rest of ours and it won't be all over you."

He looked between me and Derek, then his ice-cream and the bowl, then in the loop once more before he nodded. Derek placed the bowl down on the table in front of him and Henry—none too gently—put his cone in the bowl.

"Let's get you cleaned up just a little before you dive back in to your ice-cream."

Derek reached across the table and scooped Henry up, making noises that had Henry giggling and threatening to touch Derek with his sticky arms. I watched as they made their way across the small shop to the bathroom and then behind the door.

"Daddy says you and Derek are just like him and Miss JJ."

I froze, my bite of ice-cream half-way to my mouth, as I looked over at Jack. He was smiling as he took another bite of his ice-cream.

"He and Miss JJ didn't want to admit that they liked Mommy and Ethan, or Will. Not at first. They, I think he said the word ignored it? He said that you and Derek ignore each other because you love each other. If loving someone means you ignore them then there are a lot of people who hate me, 'cause they can't leave me alone."

I was torn between the amusement and mortification at the words that came out of Jack's mouth.

-x-

"You are evil incarnate and I want nothing more to do with you."

"Wow Spence, I missed you too. How was home? Did you see your mom? Henry says you two have a secret and he's adamant on keeping it himself. Usually I can get anything out of him."

She was smiling at me as I sat curled around one of my pillows, balled up on the end of my couch.

"It, I didn't see anyone outside of Laila. I did call my mom though, talked to her for a bit. She's doing well at the moment, but I was told that she had an episode two weeks ago, it lasted four days."

She nudged my leg with her foot.

"Wow, you're outright admitting home to me, this must be some secret. I should feel a little bit intimidated you can get my kid to keep a secret from me."

I stared at her. I wasn't sure how to question what I wanted to ask—how do you ask about Derek being there? I get they think it's great we actually had conversation, and beyond grateful they gave us the kids as buffers, but that backfired. At least on my part; watching him interact with them brought back memories of when they were younger and he'd help me babysit—he's so good with children. It could make even the iciest of hearts swoon.

"I panicked. I'm glad that I was standing still when Henry pointed him out, or pointed out to where Jack had run off to. I think I would've stumbled and I could've possibly dropped Henry. I'm allowed to be mad at you guys right? I just, I feel so conflicted right now, all of these mixed feelings are swirling around inside of me and I don't know what to do.

"I mean I, there was a part of me that was elated to see him. To have him right there in front of me after I practically—no, I did run away from him. Everything came back to the forefront of my mind. I never forgot how it felt to be around him, to, how it felt to love him. I think that's why I never stopped."

She was giving me her sad smile, the one she always gave in times of comforting. I loved and hated that smile. It was always a raffle on getting good news or bad news once she opened her mouth.

"How come you've never said any of that out loud before? About still loving him? Spence, we all know you can't forget, it's one of the many blessings and curses of your genius, but, and I mean this, you have to answer me honestly, no beating around the bush here—how was being around him? Interacting with him, even with the boys as interference?"

I hugged my pillow tighter and felt my insides squirm.

"I, it, it was different than before. I knew not to expect things to be how they were before. It was easy. I, I'm just not sure if I could only be his friend this time around."

Her eyes told me she was practically dying to ask me something else, something that had relative relations to the topic at hand, but not exactly specific relations.

"Oh just spit it out JJ, you're making me nervous with your silence."

She tilted her head, her stare leveling out to her more serious one—the one that let me know I wasn't in trouble, but I might be uncomfortable.

"How was it, watching him interact with the boys?"

I bit my lip. I knew what she was implying behind those words—parental material. Did watching Derek interact with Jack and Henry, add to my attraction? There's that thing where women get slightly aroused at the sight of attractive men with baby animals, like puppies or kittens, and even babies—human babies—I understand where they come from.

I could only nod in response as my thoughts returned to parts of that night. I was momentarily thrilled the woman thought we were a family—a beautiful family—when she saw the four of us together. Or how Derek flew Henry around like he was airplane once he had him cleaned up from the second ice-cream mess—he was eating out of a bowl, I'm not sure how he got it all over himself again.

"We can arrange for you two to babysit together again if you'd like. We'd ask Derek if he's alright with it too of course, not just throw you two together like we did the other night. He was put on the spot and we have to make it up to him. He can't call Aaron by his name so he calls him Hotch, but I've got him calling me JJ.

"Will and Ethan approve of him, especially since he babysat a few nights while you were gone; you know how the boys get picky about who watches them outside of you. He's home for another month and a half Spence, at least try to see if you can be friends. If something happens again, great, if not, then you enjoy the memories of your first love. He's not a kid anymore, you can't use that as an excuse this time."

"You guys make it so easy to hate you sometimes."

"Oh, but you love us for it!"

* * *


	28. 028

"Come on! You can't tell me that you honestly believe your students only come to you during your office hours for the reasoning of ' _but Doctor Reid, I'm having a hard time grasping the elementary school level directions you tediously lay out in your syllabus._ ' Reid, man, those kids are only in there to stare at your Pretty Boy looks."

"Dewek, 'Pence ain't pwetty, he's a boy! Mommy says boys are han'some!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at Henry's outburst.

"Spencer is pretty Henry; see his long, sometimes wavy hair, and his pink cheeks?"

Henry gasped.

"He _is_ pwetty like a gurl! 'Pence, did you know you is pwetty like a gurl? Mommy's cheeks are pink, she colors it on!"

Derek's deep laugh erupted, Henry's giggles chimed in and I could only let my cheeks darken in color.

"Henry my cheeks are flushed, it's natural, meaning something my body can do on its own. Your Mom uses make-up called blush that yes, she colors on. You have long hair too, does that make you pretty like a girl as well?"

He shook his head.

"No silly, I'm a boy!"

"Then why am I pretty like a girl?"

"'Cause Dewek says so."

I looked between the two of them who were grinning up from the floor at me as if they had done nothing wrong. Technically they hadn't. It was the same nickname Derek _used_ to call me. The man comes back into our lives and manages to coerce my godson against me.

"If it's gang up on Spencer day, I missed the memo. Are you done building your awesomely, amazing tower?"

"NO! We almost finished! Dewek has to put the top on."

Henry shoved his oddly formed cap to their tower—he kept all of his favorite blocks for the end. He always did this. He gently placed the creation in Derek's hands, who kept up the cautious handling as he put the cap on.

"Now it finished! Can we leave it out for Mommy and Daddy to see? Pwease?"

They both looked up with that childish puppy look—I couldn't resist either.

"Of course, they'll be impressed!"

Derek and Henry shared a high-five and I made my way into the kitchen. I heard them murmur to each other, I couldn't quite make out what words were spoken but after a few moments the house went oddly silent.

It really was gang up on Spencer day, and I completely missed the memo.

I ignored their silence and prepped three bowls of ice-cream for our movie night. Henry's bedtime was in an hour, whatever film he chose would pass it by a half hour at most—he'd most likely choose The Pagemaster. He has a thing for books and adventure at the moment; speaking of, it's been too quiet for a grown man and a three year old to be on their own.

I grabbed the small tray JJ uses for Henry's lunches in the living room and packed up the three bowls of ice-cream and made my way back into the room. They weren't where I left them.

I sighed and placed the tray down on the coffee table.

"I have ice-cream and I'm sure you guys are really great hiders, but it'll be all melted by the time I find you."

I was met with silence.

Henry is officially a traitor.

I picked the tray back up and headed to the freezer, at least they had a chance of still being edible—if I could find them in time. I really did a lame job at this game. I was always the first to be found when I did play with the neighborhood kids. When I was "It" they would all manage to make it back to "home" and remain safe. About my third round I would realize they had all moved on to different games by peering into windows and seeing them in groups. For one so smart I really had a bad time at guessing where people would willingly choose to hide.

However, I had Derek on my side this time. He was a rather large man and Henry would most likely hide with him, cutting their options down considerably.

I've been searching for them for twenty minutes now. If it weren't for the faint sounds of whispers and the occasional giggle from Henry, I would've thought someone kidnapped them both. I at least hoped the noises would notify of their location, but each time I found the spot I presumed was their location I would hear another sound somewhere else in the house. I am underestimating Derek's hiding abilities.

I ventured into Henry's room and I actually stopped short at the amount of drawings hanging on his wall. I knew of them, he always talked to me about his pictures, and I knew he drew with JJ and Will, but it was the picture that he placed over another that actually caused me to stop. It was a Henry rendition of four people, two adults and two children. I knew his smaller, yellow head, along side Jack's slight bigger, yellow head was the two of them. I knew that the tall figure with the glasses was supposed to be me, just like I knew the other adult was supposed to be Derek. He drew us holding hands—Henry and Jack on the outside.

"'Pence! Where you? Did you forget we playing hide an' seek?"

I felt a small body collide with my legs. I looked down at him before glancing back up at the picture.

"I drew dat when you and Dewek took me an' Jack to the park! You like it?"

I nodded down at him, a smile on my face. I didn't trust myself to speak. I'm not sure why his drawing rendered me momentarily stupid, but it did. No, I know why, I just didn't want to admit or accept it.

"Do you want one? I can draw it again. Dewek has one too! He says it's his favowite picture in the whole wide world."

"Does he?"

"Yes! He tells Mommy dat he likes helping you wif me. Daddy always laughs at him when he says dat. I know where he hides. Go get him!"

He's been around Jack for far too long; saying things like that, not realizing the implications of his words. Such is the genius of children I suppose.

I allow him to grab hold of three of my fingers and drag me out of his room and down the hall. He kept putting his finger to his lips to shush me—I didn't have the heart to tell him all the noise was coming from him. I did my best to look sheepish each time he shushed me. He led me to the pantry and pointed to the door.

"In dere."

"He's in there?"

We were _whispering_ quite horribly. I heard the slight chuckle from inside.

"Henry? Henry are you back little man? I'm opening the door."

Derek slowly opened the door and Henry made sure he was in the gap as soon as he could peek through. He was laughing—you know that laugh when a kid thinks they're so smart and accomplished something great. I was still hidden by the door, but Derek and I both knew that he knew I was there.

"Did you find Spencer? Or is he still looking for us?"

"I foun' him in my room! He wants a picture too!"

I felt my cheeks flush. Derek has a picture. Derek _likes_ the picture. Derek _talks_ to JJ _and_ Will about me— _about spending time with me_. Well, spending time with me as he and I both babysit Henry.

"Is that so? It's a great work of art. Did you tell him it's my favorite?"

"Uh-huh! He smiled big."

I was even redder now; I cold feel that burn in my cheeks. I had to end this conversation so I quickly grabbed the handle on the door and pulled it open.

"I found you, I win! It's movie time. I _should_ let you both watch the movie without ice-cream, but I won't."

Henry's arms latched around my legs.

"Oh, 'Pence, we did'n mean it! Pwomise! It was 'posed to be fun!"

"Little man, he said we still get ice-cream!"

He hugged my legs tighter.

"You're still my favowite 'Pence!"

I glanced down at him and smiled, then let myself look at Derek. He was grinning; it was so carefree and open. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Cliché and cheesy as it sounds, it's true.

"Yeah Pretty Boy, you've got some stiff competition, but if I have to lose to anyone, I'm glad it's you."

His smile grew and got even brighter. I don't think that's actually possible, but I'm permitted to moments of whimsical fancy every now and then. At least that's what I tell myself.


	29. 029

A flash of bright light caused me to open my eyes—open my eyes! I blinked and took in the grins of JJ and Will standing in front of the television, JJ with a camera in hand. She put a finger to her lips and I glanced around.

Henry and Derek were curled up on the other end of the couch, but Derek's legs were entangled with my own. Both were still asleep and I couldn't fight the small smile that lit up my face.

"You want a copy? You guys can just crash here, Henry will like the surprise in the morning. I'll make breakfast."

I could only nod. They bid me a goodnight and headed upstairs to their room.

I glanced back down to the opposite end of the couch—Henry was curled up on Derek's chest, one of Derek's arms was around him for support, and both had their mouths hanging open. I curled back into my corner of the couch and smiled to myself. I finally felt, in this moment, watching him sleep, that whatever outcome became of our situation, we'd be okay.

-x-

I slowly came to an awakened state by the slow and steady movement of something against my left calf. The instant that sleep-fog had cleared I sat up and stared down the couch—couch? Oh, yes, Henry, Derek and I fell asleep on the couch together last night.

My gaze was zeroed in on the foot that was still rubbing along my calf. I forced my gaze to travel up the leg, the torso, and finally settle on the perpetrator's face—Derek. He was still asleep, as was Henry. Henry was sprawled out on his back, Derek curled around him, an arm over his torso to keep him from falling off the couch's edge.

A clanking of pots broke my thought process and I instinctually glanced towards the kitchen. It was JJ and Will. I could see them through the archway and merely watched as they playfully gathered ingredients for breakfast. Their touches and smiles and the way they looked at each other—I desired that.

I may fight tooth and nail to appear as apathetic about that sort of thing, but at the most basic level of every human being is that desire to love and be loved. I fight it because that sort of emotional compromise removes any form of logic in my mind. For a genius that's terrifying.

-x-

" _We've been doing this for a while now you know, and what I'm about to say might be a little bit forward, but Spencer, am I, I mean, are you ever going to invite me up?"_

_I froze as I stared into his eyes. His arms remained around me as I tried to formulate a response._

" _I, Derek, I, do, don't think I don't want you to come up, because I do, a lot actually. It's, it just, I mean, we're hiding on the side of my building as is and just out of the reach of the street light and some of your schoolmates actually live in this building and I—mmph."_

_One of his hands covered my mouth and he was grinning, his body slightly vibrating from his silent laughter. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and shook his head as he pulled away._

" _Pretty Boy, if I could I would yell from the rooftop that I love you, that I'm with you because I am not ashamed of this. This is one of the best things to happen to me in a long while and I just, I want to come up to spend more time with you. I don't care if it's to just watch more of that sci-fi stuff you love so much, or to listen to you read out loud to me from one of your favorite books, speaking of, you still have to finish that one Sherlock Holmes story."_

_He removed his hand and just smiled._

" _This isn't some ploy to, to, to proceed to another base?"_

_He laughed and pulled me closer, nuzzling his face into my neck. He pressed a chaste kiss to my skin before I felt his lips brush the shell of my ear._

" _Spencer, if all I ever get to do with you for the rest of my life is share kisses because that's all you're comfortable with, that will be more than enough for me. Just because I'm a teenage boy doesn't mean I'm controlled by my hormones. I actually do like when I get to hold your hand, or just sit pressed together shoulders, hips, thighs and knees, or when you're head is on my lap as you read and I card my fingers through your hair, but it's a Saturday night, I could stay. Momma wouldn't mind and I could sleep on the couch; I'm sounding like a girl with all this talk of my feelings, but I mean what I'm saying."_

_I nodded against his head, tugged my own arms tighter around him and just stood there a few moments._

" _O-okay, we, we can go up. I'll finish the story, just call your mom and make sure it's okay. Please?"_

_He chuckled as he pulled away and nodded. He pulled out his phone and dialed his mother. I listened as he asked her flat out if he could spend the night and watched as his cheeks tinged a shade darker at whatever her response was. His eyes widened and he spluttered a few times before he called her a crazy, old lady and said he loves her and hung up._

" _She said it was okay and if you'd like, you can come over for dinner tomorrow."_

" _So she said she doesn't want to see either of us before dinner tomorrow?"_

_He pocketed his phone and reached out for my hand, I let him take it._

" _She said he hopes she doesn't see either of us before then."_

" _I like your mom, she's entertaining."_

_He nudged me with his shoulder, "You were going to invite me up, yeah?"_

_I squeezed his hand, "Derek, would you, would you like to come up tonight?"_

" _I'd love to."_

_Despite our jesting nature of the moment we knew it was significant for the both of us. Especially with him revealing so much with how he felt. I wanted to tell him I felt the same but I was terrified. For one I have never felt like this before and secondly—and mostly, I didn't know of any words that I could use to properly express what and how I was feeling._

_I led him into the building, keeping our hands latched together as we waited for the elevator. I couldn't fight the smile that was continuously tugging at my lips. I was happy._

_The doors opened and I led him in and pressed the button for my floor. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head on his shoulder. I felt his arms wrap around me and another kiss pressed against my forehead. The elevator jerked into motion and I pulled back and looked at him._

_He was smiling with his eyes; this is what happiness looked like on someone else. I was making him happy._

" _Derek?"_

" _Yes Pretty Boy?"_

_I bit my lip and closed my eyes._

" _I, I love you."_

_His slight gasp caused my eyes to open and lock with his. He was shocked—I hadn't returned the sentiment he had been telling me for two weeks now. I felt his hands gently cradle my face, cupping my cheeks as he smiled at me, then pressed forward and our lips met._


	30. 030

"So are we going to be adults about this, or just keep pretending everything's okay?"

I honestly didn't know what to say. What did I tell the man I've been in love with for the last three years, four months, two weeks, and seventeen days? I shrugged. I've gotten quite good at pretending things are okay. It doesn't mean I ever forget the truth.

"Fine, you want to play it like that, then you're going to listen to me, and I mean _listen_. You're going to hear every word that's going to come out of my mouth and then you can use that big ol' brain of yours to figure it all out. Over process it or whatever you have to do, but you're going to listen this time, got it?"

I nodded. I tucked my legs beneath me, turning to face him, tugging a pillow closer to my chest. He was fidgeting with his hands, something he did sometimes when he was nervous.

"Spencer, I, the first time I ever laid eyes on you I wasn't even at the register. I was on my break and Ethan came in. He orders the same thing every time and he was always alone. You were wearing this awful sweater vest, had these ridiculous glasses, and your hair was a mess, but then you smiled and started laughing at something he had said.

"Your eyes got even larger due to your glasses, and something inside of me slid into place. Like, like I had to know you. Like I had to find out everything I could about you. I tell you Pretty Boy, I felt like such a teenage girl when it came to you. It didn't even matter to me that you were a white boy, or even on the high end of the dork side. It was the fact that I thought this regular of mine was your boyfriend."

He laughed a little, shifting closer to me, his knee nudging my thigh, and his hands reaching slowly out to tug at one of my own clenched tightly to my throw pillow.

"I could go into detail about the beginning, but you, you made me want to be a better person. You made me want to be the person you saw every time you look at me. I want to be him for you. Then you, then you go and be all martyr-like and obnoxious, letting me go. Well if you were going by that stupid notion, I've come back. I returned. I'm here and I'd rather not have to go through this again.

"I've enjoyed the last month of watching the boys with you, and filling in the gaps when everyone gets together, but I've also thought long and hard about what I want. I know I touch lightly on how I felt in those letters, which I hope you read. Of course you did, it's you. The night I broke down in front of Kevin, I realized I didn't care how much you had hurt me because if I was hurting that bad I knew it was the same if not more for you. And knowing you, you were going it alone because you're stubborn and annoying like that."

His thumb was rubbing along my knuckles.

"The only person I've ever been this open with is Penelope. You have the power to destroy me, and you did once already, but I want nothing more than for you to have that power again. If we need to go slow, we go slow, but I need to know Spencer Reid, I need to know if _this_ , if _us_ , is something you want, and can do again. I want to know that when I'm visiting you or you me, that waking up next to you is something I'll get to have. I want to know that when I graduate next spring and come home that you're going to be a part of my future. I meant it when I said that I could spend the rest of my life with you and you can take that however you want to.

"You're it. You didn't ruin me so don't go thinking that. You're everything I've ever wanted and then some. If you need a ring, need me to go down on one knee I'll do it. I'll do whatever you want or need me to. If it's to walk out that door and never speak to you again because you can't do this again, tell me and I'll go. But tell me to go because you don't love me, not because you love me too much."

His thumb had stopped moving when he said my name, but our hands were still clasped. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I couldn't get a full breath. I felt light headed and top heavy at the same time. My heart felt like it was stopped but was going to burst out of my chest in a moments notice.

I looked at him; I hadn't stopped looking since he'd started talking.

He was terrified. He didn't look it but I could tell by his eyes, I could always tell by his eyes, especially when they were locked with my own.

"I'd be lying if I said the thought of you proposing to me hadn't crossed my mind but it's not something I need. You, you have always been enough Derek. We were both young and inexperienced and I'll even go so far as to say stupid because stupidity can be erased. One can always learn.

"And I have. I hid behind my intellect, my position, my godson, anything that I could really before I allowed myself to deal with the choice I had made by letting you go. The first time I allowed myself to even actively think about it was that homecoming game I saw you from a distance at. Actually, one of my students was down in the locker room area and overheard you and your family talking.

"He came to me, started asking me questions I didn't know how to answer or really wanted to. Your sister, that first day I saw her name on my roster, and then that first day of class when she just walked into the room and gave me a look I couldn't decipher—Derek, I didn't really deal with any of this until I got your letters."

I bit my lip and tightened my grip on his hand.

"Hey, hey, Pretty Boy, calm down, take a deep breath for me. There's no need to work yourself up, not now, not for me."

I nodded and kept our gazes locked and steadied my breathing. My grip slacked a little and he resumed moving his thumb against my skin.

"I know a lot of things Derek, but I don't know how to do this. I didn't the first time. I am out of my element when I don't know how to do something and it terrifies me that I might screw up again. You're, you're one of the most important people in this whole world to me and I cherish what I have with you.

"I've read so many books, articles, poems, and blogs, all to get a better insight on what it means to be in love and love another person so much. I was slightly relieved to know that I'm not the only person incompetent when it comes to relationships. However, I was overwhelmed that so many people were able to put into words how I feel at the mere thought of you, let alone when I am with you, or touching you, or, or when we're intimate. You make my words fail Derek and that scares me, more than my other phobias combined, but I, I wouldn't, I can't, I don't, I could never give this up. Please don't ask me to."

He moved so quickly, enveloping me in his arms and I let him. My arms trapped between us, clenching into his shirt, pulling him closer as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

I had missed this. I had missed being in his arms. The few arms slung over my shoulders on various outings or for brief moments of photo ops with our friends didn't count, but I still held them dear.

It had been almost a week since we had woken up at Will and JJ's on the couch with Henry. Shared breakfast and even stayed for lunch at JJ's insistence. Will even sent us both home with leftovers because that man always cooks too much food for their small family of three.

During the almost week I had avoided Derek, perhaps not actively, but I was avoiding him. Waking up and wanting that to be something that happened every day, especially watching him with the boys, eh what was it JJ had said, my biological clock was ticking? I'm not a female so I don't think it applies per se but it does get the point across. I wanted the man currently holding me in his arms and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

I wanted the waking up every morning to each other, falling asleep together each night. I want the stupid fights over what's for dinner, or what type of paint color for each room. I want the option of the third room to be left open to the possibility of a nursery one day. I want to know that on my lunches or even just because he'll come to campus and surprise me when he's done his shifts or has his own breaks.

I want to worry about his safety when he's out on call. I might even want him to go down on one knee one day and put a stupid ring on my finger. Have us stand before everyone important to us and show them how much we mean to each other, and argue with him over that's how I see weddings, where he'll tell me that no, it's us sharing our love with those we deem important to our love story.

"Pretty Boy?"

His words were whispered in my ear and I just nodded, allowing my thoughts to cease rambling.

"You remember the first time we kissed?"

I nodded. I squeaked. We were standing in the middle of one of the boy's bathrooms in a public high school, how could I forget?

"Do you remember how we made plans to get together that Sunday? To spend time at your apartment and we never did? We ended up going to the most random shops around town?"

"Your mom was so mad when you got home past dinner time. You hadn't called her once during the day to tell her you were okay."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my temple. I smiled.

"I've still never had sex Spence, not, not the way it matters. I'm glad we never jumped into bed. I'm glad you're not that kind of person and I can't thank you enough for teaching me not to be one of those people."

I pulled away from him and stared.

"No, no, I, I'm not, I mean I do, but I'm not saying that's what I want right now. I'm saying I'm glad we've waited. I'm glad that when we do, I'm glad that it's you. I just, I never knew how to say that and I've always wanted to say that to you."

I felt my cheeks flame and I could tell that he was blushing too. I was fond of this fact, that we could still make each other blush.

"We're still going slow though right?"

He nodded.

"But you can still stay right? You don't have to go home? We could just sleep, together, tonight?"

He grinned and pulled me back closer, placing brief kisses all over my face.

"Of course Pretty Boy, whatever you want is fine with me."

"You have to want it too!"

He pressed a kiss to my lips and pulled back and grinned at me.

"Spencer, believe me, I want it too."

I smiled and curled back up against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've thought long and hard about this, but this is the end. I've tried to come up with an ending but I just kept coming back to this chapter and it felt done to me.


End file.
